


To Guard the Light

by Amaya_Ramiel



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Post-Agents of SHIELD Season 1, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional hurt because pregnancy hormones, Frostagent, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (whump), Loki/Phil Coulson - Freeform, M/M, Mentions - Loki's Children, Minor Original Character(s), Mpreg, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Past Mind Control, Past Torture, Possibly Pre-Slash, Pre-Relationship, Tahiti (Agents of SHIELD), Very mild Thor-bashing, mentions child death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-07 18:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15225747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaya_Ramiel/pseuds/Amaya_Ramiel
Summary: Agent Phil Coulson is out on a mission with his team to stop a strange creature rampaging through Manhattan when who should he come across but alien-threat-number-one, Loki of Asgard.Accidental magic transports the both of them to an unknown location and they must work together to find a way out.To make matters worse, it looks like Loki, to Coulson's utter bafflement, is pregnant.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> First long story I've written in five years! I had been toying with this idea for about a year now, mostly because I was frustrated with the severe lack of stories where Loki and Coulson are the protagonists. Given the many - many! - Loki-redemption stories out there, it seems weird to me that there aren't more that focus on him and the guy he killed.
> 
> I must warn that this isn't slash (well, it is "background" slash, because Loki's pregnant, so duh), though it can be read as pre-slash. And why not? After all, there's hardly any frostagent fics out there! (a crime I feel compelled to rectify).
> 
> A note on where this fits within canon; I'm generally labeling this as AU because it's pretty much non-compliant with anything post-Avengers or post-Season 1 of Agents of S.H.I.L.E.L.D.
> 
> I've watched the first three seasons of the show, but it was well over a year ago, so I've definitely gotten character behaviors wrong. The only plot points from the series I've used is the T.A.H.I.T.I. project in order to explain how Coulson's alive to Loki. Coulson has his team and they're established at the Playground (secret base) instead of the Bus, but S.H.I.E.L.D. is still up and running and Fury is still Director (so, non-compliant with the last episode of the first season).
> 
> Basically, no events from the series, except for Coulson's discovery of T.A.H.I.T.I. have any bearing on this story.
> 
> As always, I apologize for the OOCness of everyone involved. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the story! Let me know what you think; review, favorite, follow - all that good stuff!
> 
> PS. This story is complete, but I will post it over the course of the week as I proofread it.  
> PPS. Cross-posted on FF.net

Coulson's POV

The energy signal that represented the creature – whatever the hell it was from whatever the fuck it came from – was on the move.

Agent Coulson's team had been dispatched twenty minutes ago when the call came of a large monstrous creature rampaging in lower Manhattan. Fitz and Simmons had found a way to track it; the thing gave off a massive energy output including something, something about negative outputs and something similar to the energy pattern of Einstein-Rosen Bridges.

Coulson had pretty much zoned out when the pair begun babbling their explanation. The bottom line was that they could track the thing, not that that would have proven to be difficult given the train of destruction it left in its wake.

Coulson and the team arrived on the scene on their smaller mobilization helicopter, hovering over the tightly packed buildings and beholding the mess on the streets below. The creature had rampaged its way through the main road and, with an apparent goal in mind, punched its way into a tenement building.

Agent May and Skye, armed with Shield's latest energy weapon, rappelled down to the street to try to sneak up on the monster from behind, while the rest of the team approached from the roof.

 _Well_ , Coulson thought,  _by "rest of the team", I meant me_. His plan was to go in through the maintenance entrance on the roof and try to evacuate civilians while May and Skye took down the monster.

At least that was the plan, up until the moment Coulson came face to face with alien-threat-number-one, Loki of Asgard.

Coulson was ushering people up the stairs and onto the roof when he glanced at the corridor ahead and, among the throng of people fleeing the chaos below, spotted Loki, who froze like a deer in headlights when he spotted Coulson in turn.

There was a moment when neither of them did anything, both too surprised by the entire situation to respond, before Loki took off back down the hallway he had come from and Coulson took off after him.

Shoving himself through the crowd, Coulson chased after the alien.

"We've got a situation!", he shouted into his mic to the rest of the team.

"I thought that was obvious. Did you fall asleep, boss?" came Skye's snarky reply.

"No, I mean, things just got worse. I think I know why that monster's attacking. Loki's here; he's doing this."

"Who's here?" replied Skye, while Agent May simultaneously replied "What?! Isn't that the guy that led the alien invasion two years ago?"

"Yes! This situation just escalated! Fitzsimmons, inform S.H.I.E.L.D. immediately that Loki's back! Tell them to contact the Avengers Initiative!" Coulson ordered while running after the crazy Norse god that had managed to kill him during their last encounter.

"I'm relaying the message to HQ. Should we retreat, sir?" came Simmons's reply.

"We have to get these people out here, and try to neutralize that creature through whatever means necessary. I'm going after Loki."

Coulson turned the corner at the end of the hallway and saw said alien running down the next one when the stairwell ten feet ahead of him exploded upwards.

Loki almost tripped over his feet as he tried to turn away from the creature that was shoving its way into the hallway.

The thing was an enormous writhing mess of tentacles and muscles and limbs and teeth. It also seemed to somehow be shifting or shimmering, as though it wasn't entirely in this plane of existence or something. Coulson wasn't sure what the hell was going on, especially now that Loki was running back down the corridor straight for him, a look of utter terror on his face.

Coulson raised his weapon and pointed it at the sorcerer.

"Stop! Loki, you are under arrest! Stop that creature, now!" he yelled out, blocking Loki's way.

Slowing down and frantically looking around him for a way out, Loki yelled back "This is not my doing! I've not done-!"

Anything else Loki was about to say was cut off by the creature's horrible howling growl and thunderous movement as it took off towards Loki and Coulson. Its hide glowed blue – a familiar Tesseract-like blue – as it picked up speed towards them, and the shimmering increased. Coulson's eyes couldn't focus on it properly.

"Stop it, now!"

"I cannot! Please! We must run!"

Coulson was about to agree and take off running, but the thing was almost on top of them. He aimed his gun at the creature and fired shot after shot, but they seemed to be useless. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Loki lift his hands defensively.

"No!" Coulson heard Loki cry out.

In that instant, as Coulson turned his body to run or drop to the floor or whatever his instincts were telling him to do, the world seemed to turn inside out and suddenly explode outward again.

The floor disappeared from under Coulson's feet and only to re-appear a good six of seven inches below said feet, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground with a yelp; a similar cry of surprise followed by the sound of stumbling and a body hitting the ground came from somewhere to his left.

It was all he could do to prevent his head from hitting the ground.

Lifting his head, the first thing he noticed was the oppressive darkness all around. It was pitch black, and Coulson's eyes actually hurt as they tried to adjust to the complete darkness. The agent quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, turning on the flashlight.

As he steadied himself on hands and knees, a grunt to his left had him turning his head only to discover Loki sprawled on the ground next to him.

Coulson raised his head and took in his surroundings. It seemed they were no longer in the hallway in New York, but in some underground cave. The ground, walls, and roof above them was all made of solid rock.

Coulson shuffled to his feet as quickly as he could and aimed his gun straight at the alien invader, thankful that he hadn't lost his grip on the weapon in… whatever had just happened.

Loki was curled protectively on the ground, and he seemed pained when he moved to try to right himself; one arm was clutching his lower abdomen, and Coulson momentarily wondered if he had injured himself.

The Norse god was just starting to raise himself onto his knees when he saw the gun pointed at his head.

"What the hell just happened? And where are we?" Coulson inquired calmly, letting the coldness in his voice convey to Loki that he wasn't in the mood for games.

Loki, on his part, slowly raised his arms in the universal sign of "I'm unarmed" and cautiously glanced around.

"I truly do not know." he replied

"You don't know? You brought us here."

"Perhaps… but it was not my intention. The spell clearly backfired."

"Clearly? I'm supposed to believe that?"

"I don't care what you believe or don't believe. I have no idea where we are and your belief or disbelief will not change that. I would, however, appreciate it if you aimed your weapon elsewhere."

Coulson raised an eyebrow at that.

"Yeah, not gonna to happen. Get up."

There was a moment of hesitation in Loki's eyes, but he complied, slowly getting up on one knee and then hoisting himself up with what appeared to be some effort. He never took his eyes off of Coulson's gun, however.

Now that he got a good look at him, the Shield agent was surprised at Loki's overall appearance. Gone were the fancy Asgardian armor, the shiny gauntlets, and the golden horns. In their place were baggy and mundane looking clothes, not even in particularly good condition, and unkempt messy hair that hung even lower than Coulson remembered. As his eyes drifted across Loki's body trying to ascertain whether the former invader was hiding any weapons, he noticed that the front of Loki's shirt appeared baggier than the rest.

"What are you hiding under there?" he signaled with his gun. It would be just like Loki to have a weapon secreted under his clothes.

"Please. I intend no harm." was Loki's reply instead.

"What. Do. You have. Under. Your. Shirt?" Coulson restated, quickly running out of patience.

"Look, I don't know what your game plan is here," he added, "but last time we chatted, I ended up dead, so you either do what I say or I take care of all my problems right here and now." He jabbed his gun forward to punctuate his point.

"Please… if I tell you… will you promise not to hurt me?"

Loki's words and tone threw Coulson for a loop. If he didn't know better, he'd think Loki was genuinely … scared.

"Well, if you think about it logically, you've got two options. Refuse to answer and get a bullet between your eyes, or answer and find out what happens." He wasn't about to tell Loki that he probably wasn't about to actually shoot him unless Loki actively threatened him. No matter how distrustful he was of the alien, Coulson seldom shot unarmed people.

His reply, however, seemed to unsettle Loki further. The would-be conqueror of Earth seemed to lose his composure and began, to Coulson's utter shock, to plead for his life.

"Please…, please… I swear by Yggdrasil itself, I am hiding nothing that can threaten you. I.. I'm.." Loki's hesitancy appeared to be coming from a place of genuine fear. "I'm with child."

The words we so softly spoken than Coulson was sure he misheard them.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

Loki looked straight at Coulson, his bright green eyes holding his gaze firmly, and in a much steadier voice he repeated,

"I am with child. That is what you perceive underneath my clothes."

"What? What do you mean you're with child? You… you're a man."

"I am not a 'man'. I'm from another planet, remember?" There was the patented Loki snark Coulson remembered. It seemed that, even when pleading for his life, Loki's haughty attitude couldn't help showing through the cracks.

Coulson would have rolled his eyes if it didn't involve taking them off of Loki.

"I mean, you're male. How gullible do you think I am?"

Loki looked like he wanted to say exactly how gullible he regarded the Shield agent, but thought better of it. Taking a calming breath, trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible, he replied,

"Males of my species can carry offspring. And no, Thor can't. He's Asgardian. I am not." He added, anticipating Coulson's follow-up question given the baffled expression on his face.

"Right…. 'adopted'." Coulson murmured, about as confused as he'd ever been. "Look.. what proof do I have that you are telling the truth?"

"I suppose we can stand here for three more months and then you'll have all the proof you want." came the acerbic reply.

Coulson's eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"Which brings us to the question, where in the hell is 'here'?"

"I told you, I do not know."

"But you brought us here, didn't you?" Coulson reiterated.

Loki flinched slightly, and after a moment replied "Yes" in a small voice.

"So, how can you not know where we are?"

"It… it was not my intention to bring us here… wherever here is. Truthfully, all I wanted was to escape our situation, but my magic is somewhat… compromised at the moment." He lowered his gaze pointedly at his abdomen, before glancing back at Coulson apologetically.

Coulson was trying to consider his options and gauge the situation.

"Ok, so what were you doing in New York with that thing?"

"By 'thing' I assume you are referring to the Chitauri berserker?"

"So it is Chitauri. I thought you said you didn't know what it was."

"No, I said I did not cause it. Though…" Loki paused for a moment considering his words, "in a way, it was there because of me."

"Explain."

"The berserker was hunting me. I imagine its intentions were to take me back to Thanos."

"Wait.. who?"

"The Mad Titan, Thanos. He's the one who orchestrated the Chitauri attack on your planet over two years ago."

"So, your boss, I take it? And, what? He was angry you failed so he sent his hunting dog after you?"

"An understatement if there ever was one." Was Loki's sardonic reply. "Thanos is undoubtedly furious with both my failure and my escape."

"Uh.. escape?'

"Well, I escaped his clutches, did I not? I should have returned to him when the invasion failed, but I successfully angered your green beast and freed myself from Thanos' hold."

Coulson stared at Loki with mouth agape.

"Ok.. hold on.. let's backtrack here. You pissed off the Hulk on purpose?"

"As much as I was able to, obviously."

The two of them stared at each other in complete confusion.

"Are you implying you were mind-controlled?!" "Do you mean to say Thor never told you?!" Coulson and Loki both burst out at the same time.

Coulson was frankly floored by Loki's gall to claim mind-control. After what he did to Banner, Barton, and Selvig, and after the destruction he brought upon hundreds of people, he dared to claim he wasn't in control.

Loki, on his part, was less surprised, if exasperated, by the fact that Thor had considered him so insignificant as to not even relay the truth to his comrades.

"No wonder you consider me such a threat! Thor never informed you of the results of my trial in Asgard, did he? So much for his protestations of familial bonds!"

"So, not only do you want to claim that you're somehow pregnant – and I can't believe I just said that out loud – but you are also disavowing your involvement in the alien invasion?"

Loki held his gaze for a moment before throwing his head back with a sigh. The sorcerer's eyes then fixed on the cave floor, crestfallen, as if all energy had been zapped from him.

"There's nothing I can say to convince you of any of this. I cannot offer you proof that I am truly with child, and you will not trust my word alone with regards to being in Thanos' thrall two years ago. Moreover, I can offer no solutions to our current predicament. All I can do is beg that you do not chose to end my life. I swear, on my child's life, that I will not harm you unless you threaten me, for I will protect this small life with all the strength I still have in me."

Coulson contemplated Loki silently. If he was lying – and experience told him to lean on the side of caution – he couldn't give Loki an inch. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to shoot a person who hadn't currently made any aggressive moves against him and was actually begging - which in itself was new coming from Loki – not to be harmed.

"Ok… here's what we're going to do. We have to get out of wherever we are, and I'm not letting you out of my sight for a second. So, you're going to walk ahead of me and if you so much as twitch wrong, you'll get a bullet through your head. Are we clear?"

"Completely." Waiting for a cue from Coulson, Loki carefully placed one foot in front of the next and walked past the agent, who stepped back to ensure he was out of the alien's reach.

In this manner, they began their long trek through their underground prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the first chapter! Let me know what you guys think of it!


	2. Chapter 2

Coulson's POV

Coulson and Loki marched down the underground tunnel they were in, following the only available path forward. Glancing around without taking his eyes completely off of Loki, Coulson concluded that the cave was man-made – well, that was hoping they were still on Earth; Coulson didn't want to think about the possibility that they weren't. The walls were too uniform and smooth to be the product of natural erosion. That gave him hope that they'd be able to find the entrance to the cave at some point. What worried him, however, was the lack of any other signs of life – particularly mining equipment. If this was a man-made tunnel, when was it last used? The worst thing he could think of was arriving at the entrance of the cave only to discover it was sealed or blocked. But he'd have to cross that bridge when he came to it. Right now, he had bigger problems. Namely, the Asgardian-not-Asgardian alien currently walking ahead of him with his hands still raised nonthreateningly.

Since Coulson's order that he walk in front of him, Loki hadn't said a word. He seemed resigned to the current task, and it gave Coulson time to think about the situation. He had no way of knowing if Loki was telling the truth. The agent studied the sorcerer from behind; nothing in Loki's posture or walk proved his claim, but then that didn't necessarily mean anything.  _"I suppose we can stand here for three more months and then you'll have all the proof you want."_  Loki had said. If he was telling the truth and he was pregnant, and if his species had a comparable gestation period, then that would put him at six months along, which was enough to be showing but not necessarily enough to be waddling like a penguin. And in any case, things could be different for an alien. What did Coulson know about xenobiology?

_Who's the other parent?_  the agent asked himself. Alien or not, there must surely be another "contributor", as it were. Which begged the question, where was that other person, and what was Loki doing on Earth, if he was really pregnant and not playing "let's try to conquer Earth" again?

There was nothing else for it but to ask.

"So, if you weren't responsible for that alien creature that attacked New York, what are you doing back on Earth?"

"I've… been hiding."

Coulson raised an eyebrow at that, even though he knew Loki couldn't see it.

"From what?"

"Asgard… and Odin," came Loki's guarded reply.

"Why?"

"I… considered them a threat to my child," he said vaguely.

"Ok, that's an evasive response if I ever heard one. Why don't you try again?"

"Why? What relevance does this line of questioning have? My reasons for being here are my own."

Loki's defensiveness took Coulson by surprise.

"Look, you're on my planet, a planet you already tried to conquer once! I'm trying to determine how much of a threat you are. The more you dodge the questions, the more suspicious you look."

"You are suspicious of me regardless."

"So it's in your best interest to answer my questions, isn't it?"

Loki huffed impatiently, and for a moment Coulson thought that he would continue refusing to answer.

"Odin decreed a long time ago that I would not be allowed to have more children. If I were on Asgard, my child would have been killed, so I came to Midgard to hide, hoping it would be the last place in the Nine they would look for me."

Loki's reply came out in one long uninterrupted breath, leaving Coulson flabbergasted.

"Uhm… a couple of follow-up questions: first, you have more children? Second, your father decreed your unborn children should be killed? And three, why wouldn't they look for you here?"

Another long silence followed Coulson's questions to the point where, once again, the agent thought Loki would simply refuse to answer. He supposed Loki could be taking his time to come up with lies to continue his charade, but the heavy tone with which the sorcerer finally replied gave Coulson pause.

"Once, … I had many children. Six who were born… and one who was not. One of my sons, Fenrir, foolishly thought to defy Odin; he led a revolt against Asgard. Odin's punishment was to execute my son for his crime, as well as my two youngest, as a warning to the rest and as punishment for my defending and protecting Fenrir. My other children were either banished or made to serve Odin, and the child I was carrying was… taken from me, to prevent it from following in its brother's footsteps. That is why I am hiding now, to protect this babe, who has done no crime other than being conceived." Loki's words were softly spoken – almost like a whisper – but they resonated loud enough against the cave walls.

Whatever answer Coulson was expecting, that wasn't it. If Loki was lying, then he was really a masterful liar, for the pain that could be heard in his words would be difficult to fake.  _Except by a completely heartless monster_ , Coulson thought to himself; a possibility he could not ignore.

"You didn't explain why Earth. Surely, there must be better places to hide in. And, if you don't mind me asking, are you alone here? I mean… unless your species doesn't need, you know, a dancing partner."

Loki laughed mirthlessly at the euphemism.

"He's not, as you Midgardians say, 'in the picture'."

"How come?"

Loki huffed again in exasperation.

"I grow tired of this line of questioning. It serves no purpose. You have your answer. I am here hiding because I fear for the life of my child. I cannot go to any other realms because Asgard could easily follow into them, whereas Midgard is a protected realm and under the current treaty your people have with Asgard, they cannot come into your world arbitrarily. They would also have little reason to believe I am here, back on the planet where I suffered such a humiliation at the hands of both the Chitauri and your Avengers. If you still wish to doubt the veracity of my words, my child's parentage will not assuage your suspicions."

"Aren't you touchy! What happened, bad breakup?"

All Coulson received for his sarcastic question was silence.

"O..kay. I'll change the subject. You mentioned a trial on Asgard. Is that why you're not currently rotting away in some cushy prison?

He saw Loki shake his head at his new line of enquiry. Coulson got the feeling that, if he could, Loki would have already thrown him out a window like he did with Stark.

"Asgard conducted a ….  _thorough_  investigation that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that my actions were not my own." Once more, Loki's phrasing seemed to betray something deeper in Coulson's ears.

"And this investigation proved you weren't in control of your actions?"

"Precisely."

"So, how did you come to fall into Thanos' hands in the first place?"

"It.. it is a lengthy tale."

Coulson laughed at that. "It doesn't seem like we're about to get out of here anytime soon."

"I suppose, I should begin with the first time Thor visited your realm, nearly four years ago."

"I remember. You sent that giant metal robot to kill him."

"The Destroyer? No, I did not send it to kill Thor. I merely intended to delay him. If it wasn't for his shield-brothers, no one but Thor would have been hurt, and even he would only have suffered minor injuries."

"You're all heart." Coulson interrupted sarcastically.

Loki bit back on an equally sarcastic response.

"Did Thor ever explain the events that lead to that confrontation?"

"Not really. His friends insinuated that you were some kind of despotic tyrant gone mad."

"In truth, they were technically traitors. I had been given rule of Asgard by the Queen herself when Odin fell into his Odinsleep."

"Erm… what? Back up and explain."

"There were extenuating circumstances that lead to the events you are familiar with."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"Do you intend to mock my every word or do you intend to listen?!"

"Hey, I can do both. I'm versatile. Also, I'm the one with the gun, remember."

Loki huffed, but continued his tale, "Prior to Thor coming to Midgard, he had travelled to Jötunnheim, realm of the Frost Giants, and led an unprovoked attach there. While we were there, I made a most troubling discovery. One Jötunn grabbed my arm, but instead of harming me… my skin turned blue, same as the Jötunn's. I confronted Odin about it after we returned, and he confessed my true identify: during the Jötnar war a millennia before, when I was but a babe, he took me from Jötunheim and raised me as an Asgardian, changing my appearance to match that of the Aesir.

"I was distraught, to say the least. It explained so much; my struggles to be accepted in Asgard, my exceptional aptitude for magic, but more importantly…. my children. I had always assumed I could bear children because of my magic… You see, Vanir sorcerers have the ability to shift their bodies through magic to achieve this. I thought this is what I was doing."

"Who are the Vanir?"

"The peoples of Vanaheim. They are very much like the Æsir, though slightly different."

"Why would you think you had their ability?"

"Well, because my- I mean, Queen Frigga is Vanir."

"Right, so if your mom was Vanir, maybe you had inherited the ability."

"Precisely. I thought… the reason my children were so…  _unique_ , was because I was doing something wrong with my magic. But it turns out the reason I can bear children is merely that I am Jötunn; it is part of their biology: both males and females can bear young. And the reason for my children's unique appearances is that the spell Odin placed upon me partially disrupted the natural biological magics of the Jötnar." Loki's tone of voice was one that bespoke a deep resentment.

"You keep mentioning this 'uniqueness'; what do you mean?"

"My first four children did not look like common Asgardians. Their appearances were…. strange, to most. But it meant nothing; they were still my children." Loki said emphatically. "Sleipnir, my firstborn, looks like a horse, with eight legs. Fen-"

"Wait, what?! Did you just say your son is a horse?!"

"He is  _not_  a horse. He merely resembles one! He possessed all the intelligence and consciousness of any Æsir! He was kindhearted and soft-spoken, and so very delicate. He could run faster than the four winds and travel greater distances than any mounted beast, yet what he loved best was art and reading. I-" Loki's voice cracked almost imperceptibly. If it wasn't for the cave's reverberations, Coulson would have completely missed it.

"I miss him terribly," he concluded finally.

During the momentary silence that followed, Coulson imagined Loki was attempting to regain his composure. The agent didn't know what to think. More and more it seemed like Loki might not be putting on an act, or if he was, he was going to great length with his elaborate story. But to what end? Gain Coulson's sympathy, perhaps?

"Is he one of the exiled kids you mentioned before?"

"No. No, Sleipnir lives in Asgard still, though I've been forbidden from seeing him for the past seven hundred years. In some ways, his fate is the cruelest one yet. Odin placed an enchanted harness on him… it has reduced him to little more than a beast of burden."

"That's … that's horrible."

Loki had no reply to offer.

"And the others?"

Loki sighed deeply to himself before continuing.

"Fenrir, who rebelled, bore the appearance of a gigantic wolf. Hela, my daughter, appeared half-dead down one side of her body, even though she was alive. And Jormungandr appeared to be a mighty serpent. Hela now resides in Niflheim, the realm of the dead. Odin established her there as its ruler in the hopes of gaining a foothold on that dark realm, but as Queen of Niflheim, Hela bows to no one else." Loki's voice, for the first time, sounded oddly proud.

"Jormungandr was exiled to Midgard, but I do not know what's become of him," he concluded.

"Wait.. he's on Mid- he's on Earth?! The serpent one?"

"Yes, though he was never threatening, and keep in mind that, if he's still alive, he's been here for over seven hundred years. Indeed, he has spent more time here than he did in Asgard, for he wasn't even a hundred when he was exiled." Loki's tone became wistful again.

"I suppose that when you live for thousands of years, a hundred is pocket change."

"It's far too young. He was almost still a child." Loki seemed engrossed in his own thoughts for a few seconds before shaking himself from them. "Thus, when I discovered the truth of my actual heritage, I came to realize why my children had been ostracized as they were."

"Because of how they looked?"

"Yes, but the question in my mind – the question I could not voice for fear of further punishment – was why Odin would allow my children to be treated the way they were, if they were, after all, his grandchildren?"

Understanding shone in Coulson's eyes.

"But they weren't. They weren't his grandkids."

"And more importantly they weren't, and could never be considered to be, potential heirs to the throne of Asgard. For how could Odin allow half-Jötnar into the hallowed halls of Asgard?"

Coulson wondered what it must have been like for Loki, at that moment, when he discovered the truth. What explanations and arguments had he told himself over the centuries to explain what had happened to his children, why they had been  _'ostracized_ ', Loki said, from Asgardian society, and why Odin had no issues with exiling some and executing others.

"If you're wondering about my reaction… I will confess I succumbed to madness. And when Queen Frigga placed Gungnir in my hand after Odin collapsed into his cyclical sleep, I felt certain of the actions I needed to take. And they included keeping Thor – whom Odin had also exiled for his incursion into Jötunheim – on Midgard."

"You were going to take revenge?"

"Revenge?" Loki's bark of bitter laughter startled Coulson. "No, I told you, I lost all sense of reason. Revenge would have been the sensible course of action. No. I did something much more foolish. I decided to prove myself to Odin."

"Huh?" came Coulson's inarticulate response.

"You must understand how we were raised, Thor and I, I mean. We were raised to worship Odin, the Allfather. He was never to be questioned; he saw all, and he could do no wrong. And at that moment, with all the power of Asgard at my disposal, I thought I could prove to Odin that any misgivings he had about my alliances because of my heritage, were erroneous."

"What did you do?" a sense of dread descended upon Coulson.

"I tried to wipe out the Jötnar from existence."

The proverbial tension could have been metaphorically cut with a knife after Loki confessed to attempted genocide.

"Did you do it?" asked Coulson, after a minute.

"No. By which I mean, I did not succeed. Thor and his friends stopped me. Though not before I successfully lured Laufey, ….my… biological father and king of Jötunheim, to Asgard and killed him in tribute to Odin."

Coulson was too horrified for words.

"Imagine my surprise when did act did not please Odin as I had, in my madness, hoped. In order to stop my attack on Jötunheim, Thor destroyed the Bifrost, leaving us in the rather precarious situation of dangling over the great Void between the realms. Odin awoke from his sleep just in time to tell me that he did not approve of me. So, I took the only conceivable action I had; I let go and fell into the Void."

Coulson's mouth fell open and he almost stumbled from Loki's declaration.

"You tried to kill yourself?"  _If this is true, what kind of a hold did Odin have over his adopted son? How desperate had Loki been?_

"Aye. And yet, even in self-destruction, I prove to be a failure. The Void did not claim me as I had hoped. Instead, I drifted through it, half-alive, with only insanity to keep me company. There is nothing in the Void, agent Coulson. Well, I should say, almost nothing. Only the Chitauri traverse the Void. They found me… tortured me… and brought me before their, keeper, as it were – to the one they call the Other."

Loki's mentions of his torture were said dispassionately, as if they were a trivial occurrence.

"The Other tortured me some more," he added with a shrug, "and then he took me to his master, Thanos, who used the mind stone on me."

"The mind.. stone?"

"It is the gem that powered the staff I wielded"

"So, ok, mind controlled, but you made it sound earlier like you had some free will."

"I'm not some circus magician. I do not mean to boast, but there are few who can outclass me magically. I've also experienced attempts at mind control before, and I am well versed in mental defense. Of course… a lot of that becomes useless when facing one of the famed infinity stones. I tried fighting its power, but the mind stone is very clever."

"You make it sound like it's self-aware."

"Oh yes, it is, most certainly. It whispers everything you want into your mind as it worms its way in. It convinces you that the actions you are taking – whatever they may be – are absolutely logical and will get you what you want most."

"That sounds difficult to resist."

"Yes. It was. The problem is that there is nothing I hate more than being someone else's puppet. And Thanos underestimated the depths of my insanity. I drew the mind stone in, and gave myself to what it wanted. Thanos wanted me to take over Midgard? Why, I would do so in an unmeasured manner, throwing everything of myself in, ultimately ruining the plans through recklessness. I…" Loki stopped abruptly, both his speech and his walk, and half-turned towards Coulson.

"I am sorry my actions resulted in your suffering and the deaths of so many of your people. But I knew of no other way to sabotage his plans."

"How conscious were you of what you were doing?"

"Not much, only that I needed to be more erratic. The mind stone lulls you into ignorance, as though covering everything with a soft veil. What little consciousness I had was concentrated on tearing that veil in apart; pulling in every direction." Coulson could detect the desperation in Loki's voice.

Coulson shook his head at it. "I told you, you lacked conviction."

"Did you?" Loki inquired but then appeared lost in thought. "Yes… yes.. I remember. You said I'd never win." Loki laughed involuntarily. "And then you shot me out of that flying monstrosity! Unfortunately, that did not break the link to the stone."

"Yeah… unfortunately," Coulson echoed.

He wasn't sure what to make of it. On one hand, his account being under the staff's mind control was consistent with how Barton had described it. The archer had said it wasn't like he was taking actions that went against his will, but that his will was convinced that these were the actions he wanted to take. He had similarly described it as a hazy dream he couldn't control and which he could barely remember.

On the other hand, if Loki had been in control all along, he might well know the effects of the staff and how to describe them convincingly.

"Keep walking." He indicated with the pointed gun he still aimed at Loki's back.

The sorcerer resumed his march.

"So, did you have an end goal? With all that reckless insanity you mentioned?"

Coulson heard Loki's huffed laugh at that.

"Hope that one of your heroes would bash my brains out?"

"Ha!" Coulson actually laughed at Loki's wording. "Cranial recalibration. That's what Romanov called it."

"The female warrior? Yes, I remember her. She was quite clever. I thought she could almost see what was going on… but she didn't."

"So, the Hulk finally wiped the floor with you and that broke the mind control? Why didn't you say anything then?"

"You truly ask? 'Salutations, Midgardian warriors. You might not believe this, but I was not in control of my actions all this time. Can you find it in your hearts to forgive and forget?' Yes, that would have worked. Besides, Thor was rather quick to put me in a muzzle and chains. There really was no opportunity for me to explain what took place until the trial in Asgard."

"I suppose we wouldn't have been too keen to take your word for it." Coulson was surprised to find himself amused by Loki's way of speaking. There were brief moments when the sorcerer appeared to drop his guard and indulge in sarcastic but friendly banter, and Coulson wondered whether, if Loki was telling the truth, he might be very different to what they had previously encountered.

"Listen," Loki interrupted suddenly. "Is it truly necessary for me to keep my hands raised like this the entire time?" He moved said hands slightly to make his point.

Coulson was taken by surprised but he quickly recovered. He sort of had stopped noticing, but his eyes narrowed in suspicion. It would be just like Loki to try to lull him into a false sense of security through sad tales and friendly banter only to take him by surprise and stab him again.

"I'm not letting you put your hands somewhere where you can reach a weapon. If you're getting tired, you can put them behind your back. Slowly." He added.

Loki glanced back in disbelief and, glaring at the agent, lowered his arms and hooked his hands behind his back. The change in posture made the bump in front of him stand out more than before. With one final glare at Coulson, Loki resumed his walking down the tunnel path.

They continued walking in silence for another good ten minutes before Coulson broke the silence once again.

"I wonder why Thor never mentioned any of this stuff before." The subtext of his statement was not lost on his walking companion.

"I cannot claim to have any inside knowledge on the workings of that oaf's mind, nor can I guess at his reasons for omitting this information."

"So, it's not because you've just made it all up?"

"Again, you are free to believe whatever you want. You asked me what happened, and I told you the facts as they happened, but I can offer no proof to my words. You'll have to ask  _him_  whether what I've said is true or not," Loki spat.

"Granted… but why do you think he didn't say anything, if what you say is true?"

Coulson was getting used to Loki's contemplative silences. Either the trickster was really good at coming up with elaborate lies on the spot, or he was a lot more careful with his words than Coulson had been lead to believe on their first encounter.

"I… I am not sure of his reasons. I can think of a number of explanations, but there's no certainty any are more likely than the next. I've not spoken to Thor since before the trial, and he said nothing during it."

"You haven't spoken to your brother in over two years?"

"Thor is  _NOT_  my brother," came the vehement reply. "Therefore, what matters whether we should exchange words or not? Undoubtedly, he'll be pleased to be unburdened of me, especially now." Loki's words were laden with bitterness.

"What do you mean?"

"At the trial, … I was found innocent of allying myself with the Mad Titan and of attempting to subjugate Midgard.. but, I was found guilty of shaming Asgard."

"W..what?"

"Ironic, isn't it? That I am not Asgardian, yet I can bring shame to Asgard nonetheless."

"What are you talking about?"

"They saw everything at the trial. With magic, they could observe events as I experienced them… everything that happened after I  _selfishly_  and  _pitifully_  fell from the Bifrost. How I  _allowed_  the Other and Thanos to gain control of my mind." It sounded like Loki was referencing how his sentencing was phrased.

Coulson was at a loss for words. "But.. but you said they tortured you."

"And I  _gave in_. A true Asgardian warrior… a warrior raised by Odin himself, should have  _withstood_  and  _prevailed_. I demonstrated that I am really unworthy of them. So.. why should Thor shame himself further by relaying this information to his friends and allies?"

"What a charming place."

"Mm." Loki wordlessly agreed.

Coulson contemplated the information he had been given, looking for holes in Loki's story. As the sorcerer said, there really was no way for him to prove any of it without external confirmation. And yet, there was such bitterness and resentment in Loki's voice, Coulson couldn't help but wonder. If what he said was true, then this necessitated a reanalysis of the entire working relationship S.H.I.E.L.D., and by extension Earth, had with Asgard.

"So what happened after the trial?"

"I was exiled from Asgard. I traveled to other realms and stayed out of trouble."

"Looks like trouble found you again."

"I do not wish to speak of it," he said firmly and resolutely, as if placing a figurative brick wall around the subject.

"Hey, you've told me everything else-"

"I told you I do not wish to speak of it! I have told you of what transpired two years ago because you deserved to know what lead to the invasion of your planet and what happened to the monster who led that invasion. But now you know, and anything else is my personal business!" he snarled at Coulson. Loki's breathing was harsh and shallow.

"You may point your gun at me all you want and order me to march down this thrice damned cave, but you will have to do it in silence for I have no more information to give you."

With that said, Loki hastened his step and walked on, silently sulking.

Coulson wondered what had the alien so riled up, especially after everything he had been willing to disclose. He had revealed a past full of dead children, attempted suicides, and torture, not to mention harsh treatment at the hands of those he had once called family, so what could be so terrible that he was unwilling to share.  _Who's the father of your child, Loki_ , Coulson wondered,  _and what did he do to you?_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Loki's POV

Loki and Coulson had now been walking for over an hour down the tunnel path. At first, the walk had been easy, though Loki felt humiliated at having to walk ahead like a prisoner with his hands up in the air. But he was used to humiliation; it had dogged his heels his entire life.

_Indeed_ , Loki laughed to himself,  _one could say it's been with me from the beginning_.  _After all, if I hadn't been a runt among the Jötnar, they would not have left me to die. A failure from birth_.

Recounting the events that had led to the invasion of Midgard had stirred up some very unpleasant memories Loki would rather keep deeply suppressed. In the silence that followed his declaration that he would not share any more details with the Shield agent, Loki's thoughts had turned to memories of the Void and the Other, and of course, Thanos. He couldn't quite decide what had been more horrible, drifting through that maddening silence with no air, no sense of direction, no light, no warmth for what felt like years, or suffering the twisted cruelties at the hand of the Other and his minions.

Loki repressed the shudder that threatened to surface. The things they had done to him; their taunts and filthy words would ring in his ears till the day death finally – mercifully – claimed him. And the  _pain_ … it came very close to being the worst pain Loki had ever experienced, although that place would always be reserved for… well, no sense in dwelling on that.

Though, of course, that made him think on it all the more, particularly given his present condition. As if sensing his thoughts, the child inside him moved, kicking against his side.

It had been a very long time since Loki had found himself in this kind of situation. In many ways, it was familiar and even comforting. He had forgotten – forced himself to forget – what it was like to feel this tiny life forming within you - the warmth and affection is stirred in him. At the same time, however, it reminded him of how much he stood to lose, and how much he had lost already. Would this child suffer as they did? Would he, Loki, even get to meet his baby?

Loki hated his self-pity and maudlin mood, yet he couldn't seem to pull himself from that cycle of misery. Like this infinite cave, it seemed that he had no way out of his present situation, especially how that he was at the mercy of a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who had every right to want to shoot him dead.

Not that Loki thought a bullet could kill him. If the Void didn't do the job, it was unlikely the human's projectile weapon could. But it could easily harm the life he carried, and that was a risk Loki couldn't take.

And speaking of said life, his child seemed very intent on making its presence known; it wouldn't stop kicking repeatedly at his side. The movement pulled at his already aching muscles all the more. Loki tried to use the hands clasped behind his back to ease the ache, but he was kneading in completely the wrong place.

Loki's walk slowed. Normally, he could walk for hours on end without getting tired, but his magic and stamina were severely compromised, and he had forgotten how very tiring carrying a child could be. Over the past couple of months he had mostly spent his time lounging in his little run-down apartment, and he was quickly finding out that he was in no condition to be parading down some underground tunnel.

After another half hour of walking Loki's aches increased. It would be almost funny – he who had withstood torture and near-death in discomfort from walking too much – , he thought, if it wasn't so very inconvenient to his current predicament. Soon his entire lower body was crying out in pain. Loki's feet hurt, particularly his ankles, and the pain climbed steadily up the backs of his legs, making the tendons and muscles clench. Then there was the pain radiating around his hips and groin caused by the weight of the baby pressing down. And finally there was the pain in his lower back caused by the pull from his protruding belly.

Loki tried to maintain his walk, but the increasing pain slowed his pace to a shuffle. And all throughout, the baby wouldn't stop kicking.

_Please, little one, be still_ , he thought, stifling the groan that threatened to spill past his lips. It wouldn't do to show even more weakness. What if the agent concluded he was slowing them down? Would he hesitate to shoot Loki and be done with it? Loki didn't think the baby could survive that kind of shock, and if the baby died…  _Oh Norns!_   _No. Don't think about that!_

Loki's heart was hammering in his chest, from dread and from pain, which in turn seemed to agitate the child even more. Each step was becoming agony. In his shuffling walk he got closer and closer to the cave wall, and it was a good thing he did, for the baby chose that moment to deliver a particularly swift kick to his left kidney that had Loki grabbing for the wall and crying out.

* * *

Coulson's POV

About ninety minutes into their long and now silent trek, Coulson started to notice the change in Loki's previously brisk pace. He began slowing down to a shuffling and irregular walk, shoulders growing more and more hunched with each step. The hands clasped behind his back were clenched tightly, and Coulson wouldn't be surprised if his nails were digging into his palms.

The agent wondered was he was up to. Perhaps he was finally going to strike back, thinking that he had lured Coulson into a false sense of security. Loki inched closer and closer to the cave wall.

"Hey," he called out, "whatever you're up to, it's not going to work and all you're going to achieve it getting shot."

Loki didn't seem to hear him. He continued in his shuffling gait; it almost seemed like each step was causing him pain.

Coulson could hear Loki's stilted huffed breathing.

"Loki, I said stop."

It might as well have been said to the walls themselves. Loki was now a foot from the wall, appearing to struggle to put one foot in front of the other, when he suddenly cried out, his right arm moving to support himself against the rock and his left grabbing at the side of his abdomen.

Coulson quickly circled around him, raising his gun higher.

Loki's eyes were tightly shut and even in the pale light of his flashlight, Coulson could see sweat beading Loki's brow. His body was hunched in on itself, and his left hand was firmly pressing against the underside of his belly.

"Hey! Keep your hands where I can see them!"

At first, the sorcerer didn't seem to hear him.

"Loki!"

Finally, Loki lifted his eyes to Coulson's, though he made no movement to raise his hands.

"I cannot, please-" a choked gasp escaped his lips and his legs seemed to momentarily give out from under him, though he managed to keep himself upright.

Coulson wondered if he had gone insane when he heard a small whimper come from Loki and, upon closer inspection, realized that there were tears coming down his face.

* * *

Loki's POV

Loki could feel his child's distress increasing along with the kicking. His belly was painfully tight - almost constricting - and his entire lower body was in agony. He couldn't prevent the whimper the escaped him, nor the few stray tears that rolled down his cheeks. The pain was excruciating, but it didn't compare to the feedback feelings he could sense from his baby. He knew he was making it worse, but he couldn't help it.

"Alright… alright, maybe we should take a break. Why don't you.. uhm,.. why don't you sit down for a moment?" he heard the agent telling him. Yes, sitting down sounded like a marvelous idea right about now.

Loki slowly inched his way down the rocky wall, folding his legs under himself, coming to a stop with a pained gasp. His heart was pounding wildly, and the baby was still kicking a lot, but at least the pain in his back was decreasing into a dull ache. Loki forced himself to take deeper breaths, forcing his racing heart to calm down.

_Please, child, please calm down. Everything is fine. Sleep. Please… be calm._

Loki focused on projecting tranquility to the baby, gently rubbing his belly to try to ease his pain.

After some minutes, he heard the agent speak again, and upon opening his eyes, he realized Coulson was crouched a few feet away from him, gun still in hand, but no longer pointing it at him.

"You ok?" the human asked.

Loki nodded silently, swallowing thickly as a wave of nausea passed through him.

"What just happened?"

Loki steadied his breathing before replying.

"I grew… pained during the walk, and it distressed her, which in turned caused her to kick most forcefully and tense up, which, I assure you, can be quite painful."

"Her?"

Loki pinned Coulson with an exasperated glare.

"The baby."  _You dolt_ , he added, in his mind.

"I know what you mean." replied the agent, sounding equally exasperated. "I meant, you know it's a girl?"

"Yes. Well.." Loki doubled back, "I'm fairly certain. It feels like a girl, and… it would be nice to have another daughter since I've had five boys and only one girl." Loki's hands kept pressing the same spot, trying to alleviate the dull ache that had settled.

Coulson seemed amused by his words.  _Good for him_ , Loki thought annoyed,  _if he's amused, maybe he'll be less likely to shoot me_.

"Well, I suppose a break is a good idea," he heard Coulson say, though he had closed his eyes as he concentrated on not throwing up, "though we can't rest too long if we want to find a way out of here before we starve."

"Agreed. I will endeavor to recover quickly."

* * *

Coulson's POV

Coulson ended up letting Loki rest for almost half an hour. He sat on the opposite side of the tunnel, gun in one hand and phone in the other, watching the alien. The sorcerer closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall behind, gently rubbing circles against the side of his swollen abdomen. In less than five minutes, however, he stopped, and appeared, for all intents and purposes to have fallen asleep.

It gave Coulson the opportunity to examine him. He was frankly baffled by the entire situation. Here was Loki, alien threat to Earth, painting, against all odds, a most nonthreatening image. It was a conundrum. If Loki was actually faking it all, what was his purpose? For that matter, why was he even still here? If he could teleport them to this cave, why not teleport himself out and leave Coulson behind? Not to mention, he could have overpowered Coulson easily by now; the agent remembered how fast he moved, and how he was capable of making false copies of himself.

He could be projecting a false image right now, but why? What was to be gained from this prolonged deception? What's more, if his goal was to gain Coulson's sympathy, he could have easily done that through other means; he didn't have to come up with an elaborate story of pregnancy, ill-treatment, and personal humiliation to do that. In fact, it was the vulnerability that Loki projected that most spoke in favor of him telling the truth.

Would Loki, former Asgardian prince and would-be-tyrant demean himself as he had to Coulson over the past two hours? Would he, particularly, portray himself as being in this pathetically weakened state? He had actually cried – momentarily, but still.

Of course, believing Loki necessitated believing in his current situation, which in turn required that he, Coulson, adjust the way he dealt with the alien. If Loki was truly pregnant, then the pace that they had kept up till now would definitely have to be slowed; it was clear the sorcerer couldn't keep it up. It put them in a more problematic bind than before. And what would he do if there came a moment that Loki couldn't keep up at all? For how long could he go on, even with breaks?

Well, there was really only one way to find out.

Coulson rose and walked over to Loki, who looked rather peaceful and unguarded in his sleep.

"Loki." he called out gently, but it didn't rouse the trickster.

"Loki." he intoned louder, reaching out to jostle Loki's shoulder.

Loki's eyes snapped open and he flinched back with a yelp, making Coulson startle back too.

"Hey! I was just trying to wake you up."

Loki took a calming breath.

"Apologies. I lost my bearings momentarily. How long was I asleep?"

"Just about thirty minutes. How are you feeling?"

"Much recovered; thank you, truly."

"Yeah, don't mention it." Coulson replied, rising to his feet and waiting for Loki to follow.

The magician gathered his feet under him and, using the wall as leverage, hauled himself to his feet. His left hand instinctively moved to cup the small of his back when his muscles stiffened in protest.

He seemed to catch Coulson's concerned look.

"I'm fine."

Coulson looked unconvinced, making Loki huff.

"You try rising from the ground with several extra pounds of child strapped to your front and see how well you do."

Coulson shrugged and mouthed "after you" indicating with his hand that Loki should lead again, although Coulson followed almost side by side this time.

Loki sighed in defeat and began walking, at first holding on to the wall next to him, but slowly getting up to a more manageable speed.

"I will admit," Loki began saying, surprising Coulson that he would willingly strike up a conversation, "I am curious as to where we are. It is not a place I have ever visited on your planet, at least as far as I know." Loki seemed much more talkative after his short nap. Coulson supposed that getting chased by an alien monster, landing in a dingy cave in god knows where, being forced to walk for ninety minutes without rest while six months pregnant, and being bombarded by a barrage of personal questions, all while at gunpoint, tended to make a person cranky.

"Were you aiming for somewhere in particular?"

"Not really. I panicked and merely thought how I wish I were somewhere safe."

"Why did we end up here?"

Loki glanced back at Coulson as if he'd babbled like an idiot.

"I mean, you mentioned before that your magic back fired, implying that it's somehow related to.. you know" he waved his hand in the general direction of Loki's midsection. "How come that happened?"

"I suspect there's a separate underlying question to your question, agent Coulson."

Coulson could detect an almost teasing amusement in Loki's voice. In a way, it was a welcome alternative to his previous morose tone. On the other hand, it was a bit too reminiscent of Loki's taunting tone during the invasion. If the alien had been telling the truth, he wondered what that meant; did a bit of Loki's personality bleed through the mind control? Who did they really meet two years ago?

"Oh yeah, and what would that be?" he replied to Loki's question.

"You are wondering why I haven't teleported myself out of here, and just how compromised my magic is."

"Can you blame me?"

"No. I suppose 'self-preservation' increases after you've returned from the dead once." It was the first time Loki had directly acknowledged Coulson's death, and the agent wondered if Loki was curious about how he was alive again but was dancing around the question.

"However, I advise you not to encounter death too often; I speak from experience when I say self-preservation goes out the window when you discover you are difficult to kill."

"As a human, I doubt that will be a problem for me."

"To answer your question, my magic is very limited at the moment. Well, I should say, my access to my own magic is limited."

"What's the difference?"

"My magic is, in reality, extremely strong at the moment, but it is otherwise occupied."

At Coulson's wondering glance, Loki continued.

"I intimated at this earlier when I spoke about the Jötunn race, although this is true of master sorcerers too. I possess a, as it were, magical core that is intertwined with my very soul. I do not merely wield magic… I am magic. Of course, most living things in the universe have some degree of magic twined with their soul, but with the Jötnar, it is much more than that. They are biologically magic; it's the one thing those monsters have going for them."

The disdain for his own race wasn't lost on Coulson, though he saved his questions on the matter for another time.

"That magical core is formed early on, before a child is even born, through a link with its mother. Thus, currently, I find the majority of my magic is compromised, busy forming my child's own magical core and sustaining her life. Until the moment of her birth, her nascent soul is fueled by my own. It's...," Coulson heard the hesitation in Loki's voice, "it's a very deep bond that... cannot be severed until she is born." It sounded like Loki was choosing his words very carefully, and Coulson got the impression, as before, that Loki was dancing around the subject.

The agent glanced sideways and thought he caught a strange sad look on Loki's face as he placed one hand over his belly.

"Unfortunately, it also means I have limited access to it. In fact, at this stage of pregnancy, I shouldn't even be teleporting short distances, much less to unknown places like these. Actually, it's lucky I didn't blow us all up or tear my own soul in two."

"Guess we won't be teleporting out anytime soon-." Coulson's words tapered as his eyes came upon something other than rock and dirt.

Right there on the side of the tunnel ahead were, what looked like, stacks of thin metal beams. Coulson moved his phone so that the flashlight's light could reach farther. Ahead of them were a couple of wooden crates and cardboard boxes.

As the two of them approached the materials, Coulson shone his light on them. The crates looked old, and they bore stenciled labels in a foreign language Coulson could not identify, though it reminded him of Old English writing. For a brief moment he wondered if Loki had transported them back in time before stomping on his overactive imagination, reminding himself that the early Britons weren't laying down mining tracks in 1060.

For that's what the materials around them clearly were: mining cart tracks, nails, hammers, and all other manner of tools.

"I'm not sure what language this is… maybe Norwegian.." Coulson guessed, crouching down to look at the strange letters combined with the more familiar Roman alphabet more closely.

"It's Icelandic." said Loki in a strange tone of voice that had Coulson turning his head upward to gaze at the alien. Loki's face was blank and unreadable.

"You can read it?"

"I speak Asgardian Allspeak… I can read and speak almost all conceivable languages." he said offhandedly, in that same detached and unreadable tone.

"Icelandic… ok, so we're in Iceland. I can't think of any other place on the planet that would have anything in Icelandic. What's… what's wrong with you?" Coulson took a closer look at his companion.

Loki had retreated to the other side of the tunnel to sit heavily on one of the crates. He seemed to be in shock.

"Loki… what's significant about Iceland?"

For a moment he wasn't sure the other man heard him; Loki appeared to be gazing at a place far beyond the walls around them.

"I wanted to go somewhere safe." he murmured to himself, though Coulson caught the words.

"Right… so, what's so safe about Iceland? I mean, it's a nice enough country, but I'm sensing something else is going on here."

Loki didn't seem to hear him. He brought his hands to his face, running them over his eyes before settling them over his mouth, his eyes continuing to have that far off look.

Coulson approached him carefully taking a decision and putting his gun back into its holster before crouching in front of the sorcerer so he could see directly into his green yet clouded eyes.

"Um… what's wrong?"

Loki took in a ragged breath before answering.

"I… I brought them here… once… a lifetime ago. It must have been… Norns! close to eight hundred years ago!" A joyless laugh escaped Loki's lips. "We came here… they were so young…"

"Loki.. who are you talking about?" Coulson asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

"Sleipnir, and Fen, and Hela.. and Jor. We came here; I wanted to show them something other than Asgard… a place they could be free to play without judging eyes following them."

Loki laughed again, and Coulson noticed that there were tears in Loki's eyes once again, eyes which seemed to be gazing directly into some long, forgotten memory.

The sorcerer shook his head in desperation, as if trying to dispel his thoughts.

"They were so small… and so beautiful… and they.. they were so happy! They played all day," Loki laughed, though it was thick with unshed tears. "Hela did cartwheels among the flowers while Sleipnir and Fenrir chased each other… and Jormungandr.. he was still a babe, and he slept curled around my shoulders." At that, Loki burst into wrenching sobs that took Coulson aback.

"I promised them they could be safe here!" he suddenly cried out. "I promised them we would come often, and they could be safe here." Loki's body shook and he curled in on himself cried into his arms. "Oh Norns! Norns!" he repeated over and over to himself.

Coulson didn't know what to do to calm the distraught trickster. What did you say to someone who's crying over children he lost, what did he say, seven hundred years ago? He supposed it was the shock of returning to a place where, the last time he was here, his kids were still alive. The shield agent had a nagging suspicion in the back of his head that he hadn't gotten the complete story regarding his kids, but he wasn't about to pry now. He supposed the only thing he could do now was give Loki some space.

Coulson stepped away to give Loki some privacy to grieve, focusing instead on the boxes and crates he couldn't read to see if he could find anything useful, although he highly doubted it.

* * *

Loki's POV

Loki would have laughed at the cosmic irony of his situation if he wasn't busy sobbing like a child. His thoughts kept circling around the same fact over and over.  _I should have protected them! I should have kept them safe! Why couldn't I save them?!_

The fact that they were here, in Iceland, was like the universe was cruelly mocking him. He couldn't keep his children safe, and now he was going to die here, in this endless underground cavern, failing to protect his latest unborn child.

_I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Oh, my darlings, I'm so sorry!_  Loki repeated to himself over and over.

Deep down, he knew why he was finding this so painful. Seven centuries ago, when he lost his children forever, he had shut his feelings and grief for them away. True, certain… 'events' precipitated his response, but in part it was his utter inability to deal with the situation. He had lost almost everything, and if he showed more signs of madness… he could have lost even more.

Now, it was all coming back, thanks in great part because of the situation he found himself in – trapped in some cave in Iceland. Though he had been running away from these feelings ever since he discovered he was pregnant again. And, to top it all off, he was under the influence of rampaging hormones that made everything look even grimmer. What a pathetic picture he painted, Loki thought to himself.

Slowly, over the course of several minutes, Loki managed to get his emotions in check.

_I can't give up now_.  _I can't just let myself die here_. The soft flutter he felt under his hand as it pressed against his swollen abdomen solidified that fact for him. There was no greater motivator than that. Yes, he had failed his other children, and if he was honest with himself, he didn't have high hopes that he wouldn't fail this one. Yet he made a promise once again.  _I swear, little one, I won't let anyone hurt you! I will keep you safe!_

With renewed determination, Loki stood up and wiped his hands over his tearstained face. Then he took a deep breath and walked over to where Coulson sat rummaging through boxes.

"I apologize for my earlier behavior. It was not… becoming," he said as steadily as he could manage it.

Coulson stared at him with an open mouth.

"It's… you don't have to apologize for that."

The agent stood up and shook his head in apparent disbelief.

"Right.. ok, so I've been looking all of this stuff over," he started, changing the topic swiftly. Loki imagined that he didn't want to have to deal with another crying bout, and frankly neither did he. "and at first I thought there might be some literal light at the end of this tunnel given that there's clear signs of human activity. And then I discovered these," at that, Coulson grabbed one of the fallen crate covers and righted it on top of the other boxes. The cover had a piece of paper nailed to it. "Now, I obviously don't know what this all says, but it's clearly some kind of inventory report. The troubling aspect is that the one thing I can definitely read is this," he said, pointing to the corner of the page where it read "1856".

"Something tells me that that's not an inventory number, but the date of this stuff, which, from the look of it, seems to match the date. That would suggest that this is an abandoned mine somewhere in Iceland, and we're unlikely to meet other signs of civilization. However, it doesn't necessarily mean that the entrance will be closed, so there's some hope left."

Loki looked at the stacks of boxes and steal tracks and a moment, before nodding in agreement.

"Agreed. No use expecting the worst. We must forge ahead. Did you find anything of use in these boxes?"

Coulson shook his head. "Nope. It's just mining equipment. I was hoping there'd be something we could use as fuel to burn, or maybe even canned food… though the prospect of eating something that's over a hundred and fifty years old is not particularly appealing to me."

"Nor to me." Loki contemplated the crates one last time before saying, "shall we continue, then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter practically wrote itself, and at the same time, it was SO difficult to write! I'm a horrible person! 
> 
> I picked Iceland because it's got the most historical connection to Old Norse, and I liked the idea of Loki visiting it during the 13th century, finding a nice secluded field for his kids to play in, and not having to worry about getting judgy looks from the Asgardians.
> 
> I'm hoping that Loki's seemingly emotional and erratic behavior will be explained in later chapters. I'm not through heaping misery on him. Again, I'm a horrible person.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get more complicated and we see more into Loki's fractured mind.

 

Loki's POV

Loki and Coulson continued walking, encountering more and more clutter as they proceeded, until eventually, after another twenty minutes of silent walking, they found the start of the laid tracks, or rather, the end of them.

"I suppose this is as far as they got before they abandoned the project," Coulson remarked, contemplating the parallel iron bars that stretched ahead of them.

"Though they had obviously intended to lay their tracks further, given the materials we encountered before," Loki countered. Indeed, one side of the tracks appeared to have been just about ready to be hammered into the ground before it was abandoned.  _Whyever did the miners leave?_   _What could have driven them to cease their endeavors?_

"Maybe we'll get lucky and find one of those old handcars," the agent's voice had a twinge of amusement laced through it, though the meaning of his words was lost on Loki.

"A… what?"

"It was a type of mining cart that could move by pumping the handlebars and would travel along railroad tracks, like these. At least.. that's what movies have taught me."

"I see," he replied, trying to picture what the human described; they did not have anything similar in Asgard, though perhaps they did, several hundred thousand years ago.

"How long have you been on Earth?" Coulson asked suddenly.

Loki hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether this was another of the agent's attempts to get more information out of him regarding his child's parentage.

"Just over four and a half months," he finally replied honestly, not finding a reason this information could be used against him.

"Have you gotten around to watching any films yet?"

Loki looked at Coulson like he had grown an extra head. Was the man really asking him if he had seen any human entertainments while he's trying to hide?

"I… I've been busy. Besides, it does not seem wise venturing out to one of your theaters."

Coulson actually had the gall to laugh at him, and Loki couldn't tell whether he was angry or embarrassed or both. Four years ago, before the entire business with Jötunheim, his fall from the Rainbow Bridge, and his time in the Mad Titan's tender care, he would have retaliated against anyone who dared laugh at him. But back then he had been a prince - a despised prince, certainly, friendless and unloved, but an Odinson notwithstanding. He would have been well within his right to silence the human and demand his head on a platter. Now, his shame was evident for all to see, compounded by the hideous truth of his nature. It was like being back  _then_ , seven hundred years ago, but worse because of the way his present situation re-colored those past events. The last four years had proven that Loki was a failure and beneath everyone, and that he had always been so - never an Odinson, never someone of standing. He deserved mockery, and it angered him as much as it shamed him.

"I didn't mean you should go out to watch a film in a theater," Coulson clarified, "although I don't think you would have attracted as much attention as you seem to think you'd get. I take it you don't have a tv, then?"

"Ah…you mean one of those devices that transmit images and projections?" Loki guessed. "No, I do not have one. I've seen them inside several local businesses," in fact, he recalled seeing one in the little bakery a block from his tenement building. He had begun frequenting the confectionary shop over the past month when he developed some pastry cravings that he couldn't shake. With enough layers, he could hide his pregnancy easily. Besides, he had come to realize that on Midgard, as opposed to Asgard, people tended to ignore those who looked poor and destitute. On Asgard, that kind of thing would have drawn everyone's attention.

"I thought they only displayed your news and weather forecasts," Loki replied, remembering the broadcasts he had glanced at while in line to pay.

Coulson laughed at him again, and Loki felt his face actually redden from embarrassment. It was one thing to be looked down on with pity – which was detestable – but it was another matter entirely to be mocked for being ignorant. Not only was he pathetic, he was also  _stupid_  - he had truly had everything, even his pride in his own intellect, taken from him.

Coulson seemed to notice that Loki was upset.

"Hey, I didn't mean to laugh. It's just, it makes sense you'd think that, given that you've only seen them in businesses. They tend to leave the channel on something neutral. But there's more to it than that, though myself, I find I don't have much time for it either."

_Fighting monsters and guarding Midgard_ , Loki's mind supplied,  _being a warrior...a hero._  A hero who's life he had almost extinguished. Wait, no,... who's life he  _had_  extinguished, the agent had confirmed.

"How is it you are alive?" he suddenly blurted out, surprising himself. He was normally a lot more cautious and tactful than that.

"Excuse me?!" he wasn't the only one caught by surprise because of the unexpected question.

"My apologies; I am merely curious as to how this came to be. From the scant memories I have retained from my time on Midgard, I recall… wounding you mortally."

"Damn right, you did." There was a change in the human's voice, though Loki was too curious about the subject to recognize it.

"I did not realize Midgardian medicine had advanced enough to heal such wounds," he continued inquiring.

"It hasn't…" Coulson's words sounded off.

"So… how is it-"

"That's my business, Loki," the hardness in the human's voice finally registered with Loki.

"Forgive me, I did not intend any offense-"

"'Offense' doesn't begin to cover what you've done."

Loki was stunned by the cold bitterness in the agent's voice.

"I'm sorry", Loki whispered, after a moment's hesitation.

The silence that followed was sepulchral, and it scared Loki to no end. The last thing he wanted was to anger the human; he kicked himself mentally for his inappropriateness.

"I just don't like talking about it, ok." Coulson's soft voice broke the silence.

Loki swallowed his apprehension. "I will not bring it up again." he promised.

…

The pair continued in tense silence after that unfortunate mistake on Loki's part, a fact that, Loki was intrigued to discover, actually bothered him. He didn't want to make Coulson angry, not only because he didn't want a bullet to his head, but because, honestly, he felt guilt over what he had been forced to do. Thanos had wormed his will into Loki's mind, breached his mental defenses and overpowered him. He'd made Loki believe that all of his problems would be solved if he conquered Earth; the bastard actually made him feel needed and important, even though at the same time, a distant part of Loki knew it was all a lie. It was that part of Loki that had been able to marginally surface and twist the mind stone's control into something unmeasured and unpredictable. One result of it, however, had been the death of the human who now walked a couple of paces behind him.

No, Loki had no right to antagonize this man and cause him any more pain.

"Did you notice that Chitauri monster - berserker, you called it - kind of glowed and did a weird... shifty-thing?"

The agent's sudden question snapped Loki out of his morose thoughts. As he considered how to respond, a small voice in his mind whispered that maybe the agent didn't like the tense silence either and was throwing Loki a bone. The sorcerer tried his utmost to squash the voice into metaphorical mental jelly.

"It had the ability to travel interdimensionally," he replied, thankful for the distracting subject change, "It is why the Chitauri and the Other use them to...  _fetch_  those who've escaped them. I did not think they would send one for me, but I was clearly mistaken."

"If they can send that thing interdimensionally, why don't they attack in full?"

"The berserkers are naturally capable of interdimensional travel - they don't fully exist in one dimension at any given time. They are a brute species the Chitauri captured and subjugated, but their ability cannot be harnessed to transport an army. For that, they needed a more powerful and controllable source."

"Like the Tesseract."

"Exactly."

"You know, I've been thinking,... that thing, ... the berserker, was almost on top of us when you tried to teleport."

Loki cocked his head, "You theorize this is how my magic was able to transport us this far?"

Loki glanced sideways to where the agent was walking, just to his left. Coulson shrugged.

"Sounds like a plausible explanation, doesn't it?"

The sorcerer considered the theory. So far, he had been assuming that his utter terror at being taken back to Thanos had caused his compromised magic to flare more powerfully than he would normally be able to achieve during this stage of pregnancy. Yet, if the agent's theory was correct, then at the very moment the berserker was preparing to pounce and teleport, Loki's magic had, what? siphoned some of that raw energy into his own teleportation spell? It made as much sense as anything else, he figured.

Then he realized another thing.

"If what you're saying is true, then we are extremely lucky I did not transport us here along with the berserker," he remarked nonchalantly.

A genuine bark of laughter came from the agent.

"Shit! We'd be so screwed if that had happened!" Coulson laughed again, perhaps partly in relief and partly at their absurd situation. Loki wasn't sure, but what he did know was that, bizarrely, he enjoyed the knowledge that he'd made the human laugh.

Over the next hour, the agent and he engaged in casual conversation without any voiced threats or tension between them. For Loki, who had spent the past four and a half months in almost complete solitude, it was a welcome change, and he chided himself for enjoying the other man's company.

_He is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and if and when we find a way out of here, he will be your enemy once again. For once in your life, Loki, could you be less pathetically needy?_ , he told himself.

He recognized his tendency to become fiercely attached to the wrong individuals. It was a result of the solitary life he had led as a child. Thus, he had followed Thor with that childlike adoration young children tend to have for their older brothers all the stronger for having lacked other friends. It was the same impulse that made him acquiesce to Odin's decrees and cruel punishments for a thousand years: a foolish desire to be accepted. It's the same reason why he had remained with so many of the lovers he had taken throughout the centuries well beyond what sense and reason told him, - even when they hurt him.

_You are like a kicked hungry dog begging for a pat on the head!_  It was one of the aspects he most hated about himself.

Loki continued following the path his thoughts took him just as he followed the straight lines of the tracks before him, until suddenly the tunnel opened up into a larger cavern.

Loki and Coulson came to a stop, not so much because of the size of the cave, but because of what lay ahead of them.

"Well… I think we found the reason for why they abandoned this mining operation," deadpanned Coulson.

Before them spanned a huge underground lake.

It was so large that the light from Coulson's flashlight could not make out the other side. What could be seen, however, was that the tracks they had been following went straight into the water.

"There is no way across," Loki murmured.

"Well… I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to give up this easily."

"What do you propose? Build a boat?" he responded sarcastically.

"That'd be nice, though I wouldn't trust those crates back there. No, I was thinking more along the lines of 'how deep is this?' We might be able to just wade across."

"Surely the miners would not have given up their operation if this could be waded."

"Hmm… ok, let's think. What happened here?" Coulson looked at him intently, encouraging him to focus on the sequence of events that must have led to the miners abandoning the mine instead of on their current predicament.

For the moment, Loki was willing to indulge the agent.

"They clearly laid their tracks across this expanse and further into the tunnel they had dug. At the time, there was no water here."

"Right," agreed Coulson, "which means something happened, probably suddenly since they couldn't go back to get their equipment."

"Something that caused water to suddenly flood this section of the cave." Loki added.

"Something that meant they couldn't return… or that it wasn't profitable to return." Coulson mused.

After a couple of minutes, Loki chimed in. "The miners could have caused a collapse somewhere…. Or it could always have been a natural act, like a quake or a volcano."

"You think? They do have a lot of those in Iceland." The agent agreed, though it sounded a bit farfetched.

"Or some geological activity that caused water from a nearby river or lake or, I suppose, even an ancient glacier, to flood this cavern." Loki added.

"And if there was instability in the area," Coulson speculated, "they might have deemed this place too risky to stay. But look at the tracks and the ground; it's all pretty flat, right? You wouldn't lay down tracks on uneven ground."

"There could be a natural depression further ahead, though. If it were shallow, they could have built a dyke, contained the water, and drained the cave."

"You have a point, although, draining a massive underground lake might have been too difficult for the mid-19th century."

The two contemplated the situation silently.

"Look, ultimately, we have to make a decision," the agent said resolutely.

"We do not even know how far this extends. For all we know, the rest of the tunnel system could be flooded."

"Ok, I think I can help us find out," the human mumbled half to himself.

Loki saw as Coulson flipped the device he held in his hand upside down, making the light it emitted point to the ground. The agent brought the front display to life.

"Now, this isn't an ordinary, run of the mill phone. It's not even a Stark Industries phone. This, my alien companion, was made by the genius minds of Leo Fitz and Jenna Simmons, and one of the neat things they put in was an enhanced flashlight." Loki saw the agent press a tile on the display which caused another image to appear, full of labels and numbers which he then proceeded to press and alter. "Till now, I've only been using the regular flashlight because there was no point in blinding ourselves. But, if we need to see how far this lake extends, then," Coulson aimed the device in front of them and pressed one final button, "let there be light."

The entire cavern was immediately illuminated by a powerful light beam from the small device. It was so unexpectedly bright that it made the both of them have to shield their eyes that had grown accustomed to the half-darkness before.

"I don't know how they did it, but this baby pus out enough light to signal ships off the coastline," said the agent proudly.

Indeed, the light was so bright the scope of the lake could be seen now. What at first seemed insurmountable, turned out to be only incredibly inconvenient.

Loki and Coulson starred across the water.

"Ok… so that's far. But hey, we can see the other shore, so it's not all bad."

"It must be half a mile wide!" Loki exclaimed.

"Yeah… maybe we  _should_  give the boat idea a try," Coulson said, sounding uncertain.

Over the next twenty minutes Loki and Coulson emptied several crates and attempted to find one that was sea worthy, but the problem was that the wood was old and rotting, and it could not support their weight. Even just putting their feet inside the crates on hard ground made the wood splinter and warp.

"Alright, boat idea is out," said Coulson finally, noticing that Loki had long given up on the crates and was sitting on the ground looking utterly exhausted.

Loki panted out of breath, head thrown back against the wall, hands cradling the bump in his stomach. He was tired, hungry, filthy, and once again, very achy. Hauling crates and moving boxes full of mining supplies had made the pain in his back and hips flare up.

"Hey," said Coulson, suddenly occupying his field of vision. "How are you feeling?"

"Exceedingly tired," came his curt reply.

"According to my watch, we've been at it for almost two hours since the last break we took. We could do with a rest, but I would advise against a prolonged rest. I mean, we can either cross that thing today and earn a well-deserved rest after, or we can put it off until tomorrow and have to cross it when we'll undoubtedly be even more tired and hungry."

Loki glanced at the lake and back at Coulson.

"I understand… but I can barely stand right now." He wouldn't say just how much it hurt at the moment, but he hoped his words conveyed that impression.

"Loki… I know you must be in pain right now. I shouldn't have asked you to move all this crap. But I really don't think we should stop yet."

Loki sighed angrily. "Just… just give me a moment to recover." The sorcerer winced at the harshness of his words - he had been trying to appease the agent, after all - but his entire lower body was screaming at him, and he didn't feel particularly self-controlled.

Coulson nodded understandingly. "You've got thirty minutes. We could both use a short break."

With that, the agent stepped back and sat against the wall opposite the sorcerer.

Loki decided to lie down in the hope that it would ease some of the pain in his back, and without realizing it, fell asleep in less than a minute.

* * *

Coulson's POV

Coulson observed as Loki lay down on the rocky floor and soon succumbed to sleep. He felt a twinge of guilt for pushing the sorcerer; Coulson wasn't fond of working people till they hurt. That's not how he did business.

Loki looked exhausted, but Coulson was worried about how long it would take them to find their way out. Their biggest problem was lack of water and food, though on one of those counts…

The agent spared a glance at Loki to make sure he was asleep and then he got up and walked to the lake, crouching down at the edge of the water.

_Please let this be drinkable!_

Coulson dipped his hand into the dark water, jerking it away just as quickly when the ice-cold temperature caught him by surprise. He brought his wet hand up to his face and tentatively licked the tips of his fingers.

It tasted wonderful, like clean purified water.

Prepared for the iciness this time, he dipped both hands in, cupping his hands and drawing a larger amount which he then drank from. It was a balm on his parched throat.

_Well, at least we won't die of thirst_. He thought cynically.

He was worried about what would happen if they couldn't find a way out in the next day or so. They had already been at it for about four hours, and it was six o'clock according to his watch. The lake shouldn't take them too long to cross – hopefully less than an hour if it wasn't too deep – which would have them on the other wide of the lake by about seven thirty or eight.

Coulson wondered when the last time Loki ate was; he himself had had an early lunch and was already hungry. He contemplated eating the powerbar he always kept in his inside jacket pocket, but that seemed like a total dick move. No; he'd save it for when it was absolutely necessary.

Realizing that there was nothing else to be done until Loki woke up, Coulson returned to his spot against the wall opposite the sorcerer's and resigned to keep watch. But, although he was determined to stay awake – for it wouldn't do to put his guard down around the trickster – Coulson's eyes eventually closed too and he fell into a tired sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: The Lake!  
> What do you guys think so far? Are the characters too OOC?


	5. Chapter 5

Coulson's POV

Coulson awoke to someone shaking his shoulder and it took his brain a moment to realize where in the world he was. He was propped against an uncomfortably hard and rocky wall, his neck had gone stiff from the awkward position, and the still-sleepy portion of his mind was telling him to go back to sleep.

"Agent Coulson."

Coulson's eyes snapped open in an instant and his hand instinctively tightened around the gun he held, bringing it up in one swift moment to point straight at Loki's face, which was a mere foot away from his own.

Loki, for his part, jerked back and held his hands in front of him in defense.

"I mean you no harm! I was only trying to wake you up," the words rushed out of Loki in quick succession.

Coulson drew a breath and marginally lowered his gun.

"It's not particularly wise to startle someone awake, particularly someone who has a gun aimed at you."

"You did not awake at my previous calls and I saw no other way to rouse you. You did intend to cross this lake today, did you not?"

Loki stepped back and rose in a much more fluid movement than he had previously, though he did bring one hand under his belly to support it as he did.

The moment he was up he held Coulson's gaze for another second before turning his back on the human and marching towards the edge of the lake. Coulson let out the breath he had been holding and rubbed a hand over his tired face. What the hell was Loki thinking? What the hell had  _he_  been thinking, falling asleep? And more importantly, when he failed to wake up at first, why hadn't Loki tried to take his gun?

Maybe the sorcerer didn't trust how quickly he could have disarmed him, or he was worried about a stray bullet being fired. Whatever the reason, Coulson couldn't help thinking that this had been a perfect opportunity for the alien to incapacitate him… so why hadn't he taken it?

Putting these thoughts aside, Coulson got up and joined Loki by the water.

"By the way, I discovered earlier that it's pretty good drinkable water," he said, acting like he hadn't been about to shoot Loki a minute ago.

"I am aware, and have already had some, thank you," replied Loki politely. "You were very much asleep."

Coulson checked his watch and saw, to his annoyance, that it was fifteen to seven; they had slept for over forty minutes, which put them behind schedule. Annoyed with himself, the agent tried to assess their next move.

"Ok, so, it looks like there's nothing else we can do but try to cross the lake. Unfortunately, the water will be freezing cold, and we have no way of determining how deep it actually is."

"Hmm, I had been pondering the latter problem, and I wondered, would it not be possible to hold one of those metal tracks ahead of us, using it to test the depth as we traversed its length?" Loki motioned towards the piles of mining materials on either side of the tunnel.

"I don't see how. Those things must weigh fifty or sixty pounds each," Coulson replied, eyeing the ten foot long rods and picturing having to push it along the lake for half a mile.

"That's not a problem for me," said Loki, turning back towards the tunnel and fetching one of the long steal tracks. The sorcerer crouched down carefully, holding on to the rock wall with one hand, and selected one of the tracks. Loki stood up and held the beam in one hand like it was nothing, making Coulson's thoughts return to the question of why Loki hadn't incapacitated him before if he was this strong.

"And here I thought Thor was the muscle in your family."

"Except he's not in my family," was Loki's automatic reply.

"Right." Coulson replied in a conciliatory manner. "You're sure you can handle it?"

"I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

At Coulson's unconvinced look, Loki sighed with exasperation.

"It's one thing to walk for miles on end with twenty extra pounds lodged inside your abdomen, moving and pressing against.. everything! and another entirely to hold a metal stick that is merely going to be pushed along the bottom of the lake ahead of me."

Coulson had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Fair enough."

The two contemplated the lake ahead of them with reluctance.

The agent was just about working up the will to start walking into the water when he heard some rustling coming from his right. Turning slightly, he saw that Loki had leaned the metal rod against the cave wall and was in the process of taking off his shirt.

"What in the hell are you doing?!"

Loki's movements stopped, his shirt caught around his arms.

"It makes no sense for us to arrive on the other side with our clothes soaking wet."

"That water is freezing enough as it is!" retorted the human.

"Yes, and if you wear your clothes, you'll continue freezing long after we've exited the lake."

Coulson bit back a childish groan; Loki made sense, but if there was one thing he definitely did not want to do in this underground cave with his literal mortal enemy next to him, was strip down and traverse the stupid lake naked.

Reluctantly, Coulson lowered the phone and his gun to the ground, making sure they were well out of Loki's reach, and proceeded to take off his jacket, shirt, undershirt, shoes, socks, and trousers. That's where he stopped, because there was no way in hell he was taking off his underwear. He'd deal with that when they got to the other side.

Glancing at Loki, he was relieved to note that the alien had had similar thoughts. Loki now stood wearing only what looked to be some kind of undergarment, though it was obvious it wasn't from Earth – or at least from any Earth stores. What drew Coulson's attention, however, was the now extremely obvious and unmistakable baby bump Loki sported. Without the baggy clothes, the trickster's large belly stood out in stark contrast to the alien's lanky frame.

"My god, you really are pregnant." Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that he was starring at Loki with a slight horrified look on his face.

The glare Loki directed his way suggested just what the sorcerer thought of Coulson's mental capacities.

"No, this has all been an elaborate ruse to gain your trust and sympathy."

Coulson wasn't sure, but he thought he actually saw Loki rolls his eyes at him.

"You can't blame me for being suspicious. It's not every day a man- male – tells you he's pregnant. Not only that, but coming from a guy who once tried – and succeeded – in killing you."

Loki had the good sense to look apologetic.

"It isn't a common occurrence, I'll grant you," he said softly.

There was a heavy pause between them, and Coulson was surprised to find himself experiencing a twinge of guilt for throwing that in Loki's face again. But why shouldn't Loki be made to apologize and feel ashamed for his actions on Earth? He  _did_  kill him and countless other.

On the other hand, his consciousness reminded him, if he  _has_ been telling the truth, then Loki is as much of a victim. Yes, dying and being brought back was the most painful experience of the agent's life, but Loki had equally been tortured for who-knows-how-long, and wasn't in control of his actions. Could he, Coulson, forgive him? He wasn't sure, but he still felt that twinge of guilt for bringing it up again,

"Ok," he said gathering up his belongings, all tucked inside his rolled up jacket. He had weighed his options and in the end decided it was best to put his gun inside with the rest of his clothes too. He only had two hands, and he'd have to carry his clothes in one and the phone in the other to light their way. "I guess we just...go"

He motioned for Loki to start ahead. The alien gathered his own clothing under one arm and picked up the metal track. Holding it in front of him, he let the front tip dip into the water and scrape against the bottom ahead of him. The beam sank into the water only a few inches at first, but as Loki edged closer to the water, it became evident that there was a depression in the cave floor. The makeshift sound was now about a foot underwater only after a couple of feet into the water.

Cautiously but steadily, Loki put his bare feet into the freezing water and forged ahead. After walking a good five feet into the lake, the water was up to his calves. Another ten feet, and the water was gently lapping at the backs of his thighs.

Coulson really hoped they wouldn't end up having to swim; he didn't think he'd be able to last for a half a mile in freezing water.

Loki paused ahead, waiting for him, an eyebrow raised in silent question.

Taking a deep breath, Coulson dipped one foot into the water, gasping immediately at the freezing temperature. Knowing that there was nothing else to be done, he simply marched straight into the water, teeth gnashing as the frigid temperature made his muscles clench painfully.

By the time he reached Loki, he was already trembling, and the water was only three feet high.

"Shit. Shit. Fuck," he grumbled under his breath, arms wrapped around his bundled cloths tightly as if they could provide a reprieve from the cold.

Coulson glanced at Loki who seemed unaffected by the temperature.

"Don't tell me; you're immune to the cold?" he said sardonically through chattering teeth.

"Frost Giant," replied Loki, resuming his walk deeper into the water.

"I thought you said your species were called Jötunns, or something?"

"They are but," Loki's voice halted for a second, "but most other races refer to them as Frost Giants."

Coulson's eyes narrowed; something about Loki's tone painted a very telling picture for him.

"Is that a description or an insult?"

Loki sniffed in obvious disdain.

"The Jötnar are considered monsters by most other enlightened species in the Nine Realms."

Coulson's huffed chuckle came out in puffs and he shivered.

"Given how you've described Asgard, I'm surprised you don't hold a kinder view of your own people."

"They are not my people; I might belong to their race, but I am not one of them. The Jötnar are bloodthirsty warmongers who would readily leave a child to die if they had no use for him. That said, yes, I will concede that Asgard isn't a shining beacon of civility either." After a pause, Loki added softly, "Maybe there are no guardians of the light… only monsters."

"Well, that's ... bleak," Coulson countered. "I'd rather think there is good out there and good people; it's what makes life worth living and worth fighting for," he said emphatically.

Loki glanced over his shoulder and gave him an unreadable look.

"Do you not fight for glory and honor or for monetary gain? Do you not fight for self-protection?"

Coulson laughed in disbelief.

"What? I mean... I suppose some people join the military and armed forces, or the police for money; I'm here to help protect people. I know that sounds cheesy and naïve, but someone has to. I can't just sit on my ass while the world gets destroyed."

"Forgive me if I remain skeptical." Loki replied. "From what I recall, even your Avengers were fighting to attempt to erase their past deeds. In other words, for their own honor and guilty conscience. But everyone's conception of honor is selfish and it drives them to do unspeakable acts in its name."

"What about you? You'd fight for her, right?" he said, motioning to Loki's stomach, "That's something good that worth fighting for. That's not selfish; you're protecting someone else."

"What? My own child? – that's selfish enough, is it not? And monstrous, according to Asgard, as she is my child and therefore cursed by my blood and heritage."

"Well, if that's the way they really think, they're the monsters. A baby is innocent and pure and worth defending. It's what I signed up for, at least."

"And what if you knew that child would grow up to do terrible deeds?" Loki spat bitterly.

"But you can't know, and that's the issue. No one is cursed by blood, Loki. What makes a person a monster is their actions, not their heritage."

And there was Loki's joyless laughter again.

"Pretty words, but I wonder if you will stand by them when they come between your sense of self-preservation and safety, or even the security of your position." Loki went back to looking across the lake ahead of them, signaling the end of the discussion.

Coulson huffed in annoyance but was too cold to reply. It was all he could do to keep moving; he had never been so cold in his life. As he walked, he fell behind Loki, letting the sorcerer test the ground ahead and lead the way. Coulson thought about Loki's pessimistic perspective on life and he wondered how much pain he had gone through to come out thinking like that. How many people he trusted had disappointed him and actually contributed to that pain and loss?

They were now about a third of the way through the lake, and the water had evened out to around their hips. Well, Coulson rephrased, around _Loki's hips_ ; for him, being several inches shorter than the sorcerer, the icy water was above his navel. Coulson couldn't stop shivering violently. He knew that if they didn't cross this quickly, he was going to get hypothermia. It was a worrying thought.

Rearranging his bundle slightly, Coulson repositioned the phone so that the flashlight would illuminate their way better. As the light fell across Loki's bare back, Coulson had to stifle a horrified gasp.

The entirety of Loki's pale back was littered with dozens upon dozens of scars. He hadn't noticed before because he had been walking almost side by side the sorcerer, and hadn't really been looking directly at him. Now he kind of wished he was still blissfully unaware.

Coulson found himself morbidly fascinated by the amount and variety to the scars. All across Loki's shoulders and upper back, for instance, there were dozens of thin crisscrossed white scars, six to ten inches in length, that suggested he had been cruelly whipped. Then, throughout the expanse of Loki's mid and lower back, there were scars of varying sizes that indicated burn marks, from small round ones the size of a penny to larger patches of rough, uneven and discolored scar tissue.

Looking closer, the agent saw curious pairs of little pockmark scars marring the once perfect skin. These scars were very small, and were always in pairs.  _Some kind of branding iron? Or maybe…_  and then he realized what they must be; he had seen similar scarring before.  _They're electric burns, my god!_

Most eye-catching of all, however, were three, almost parallel, jagged raised scars, each about three inches wide at least, on the right side of Loki's ribcage, where he was clearly stabbed repeatedly.

Coulson winced sympathetically, knowing full well what it felt like to be stabbed in the back. Had the knife that was used pierced his heart too?, Coulson wondered, or perhaps it pierced his lung. Coulson remembered what it felt like to be drowning in his own blood, and he wondered if Loki knew what it felt like too. Undoubtedly he did.

He was still going over every inch of Loki's past injuries when one caught his eye, almost at the level where the water swirled around the sorcerer's narrow hips. There was a set of thin, pale scars, barely visible. Straining his eyes to get a better look, Coulson thought he could almost make out symbols, presumably in some alien language.

The realization horrified him even more. Someone – one of Loki's torturers – had actually carved words into his flesh. No wonder Loki's outlook on people was so dim; look at what those monsters did to him.

He wondered if there were more scars elsewhere, and guessed that it was quite likely, but he was loathe to see them. The more he saw and heard, the more convinced he became that Loki had been telling the truth all along. The vulnerability could very well be a ploy to gain his sympathy, but to what end? To take him by surprise? But, he could have done that already – from the start really – and Coulson would not have been in a position to defend himself. He certainly didn't need the agent to escape the cave, and in fact, having him tag along put him in a further vulnerable position if and when they got out; if they escaped, Coulson would have all of S.H.I.E.L.D. at his disposal, so why not do away with him now?

Instead, Loki had been cooperative and passive, which contributed to his story of past-torture, mind-control, and self-protection for the sake of his baby.

This required another question be answered. If Loki was telling the truth, what was Coulson going to do about it? If they got out of this cave, would he contact S.H.I.E.L.D. and give them Loki, or would he let Loki escape? And if he did let him escape, would that be the best thing for the sorcerer, given that this evil alien guy was after him? Wouldn't that put Loki in more danger? Being held by S.H.I.E.L.D. might be a better alternative, if it came to that.

Well, from the looks of things, he'd have quite a while to think about which course of action he was going to take. Hell, for all he knew, he'd die of hypothermia before they even found a way out.

And speaking of the freezing temperature, Coulson was shivering violently now. His body was screaming in pain; it felt like his bones had turned to ice and were freezing him from the inside. He had developed a massive headache and he could feel his heart hammering in his chest, no doubt trying to keep his blood circulating in spite of the constricting arteries, veins, and capillaries.

_Fuck this lake, and fuck abandoned caves, and fuck Iceland for good measure_ , he thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with my writing in this chapter (I didn't have as much time to edit it as the previous one), but I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know what you thought of it.
> 
> PS, I have nothing against Iceland! Just sounded like the kind of thing one would say in that kind of situation.


	6. Chapter 6

Loki's POV

They had been walking for about thirty minutes now and were maybe another ten minutes or less away from the shore when Loki noticed the light source behind him wavering somewhat erratically. Glancing behind, he beheld a frightful sight; the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent had fallen behind, his steps through the water were uneven, and he appeared to be on the brink of unconsciousness. More worrisome, however, was the fact that his skin had taken off a sickly gray-blue tinge, which, coupled with the harsh white light, made the agent look like a ghostly apparition.

Making a split decision, Loki dropped the metal bar he held, letting it sink to the bottom of the lake, and turned back to help the human.

"Agent Coulson, can you hear me?" he asked when he got to Coulson's side.

Coulson seemed to have difficulty just holding his head up to look at Loki; his movements were stiff and jerky.

"Give me your things." Loki ordered, grabbing everything Coulson carried and tightly tucking it, along with his own things, under one arm. Getting Coulson to release his things was difficult in part because the agent's arms were so stiff and in part because the human wasn't very responsive. The movement obscured their light, but it didn't matter with them so close to the shore.

"Drape your arm around my shoulder." he said, wrapping his left arm around Coulson's bare back.

Coulson struggled to move his arm and only managed to lift his hand to rest on Loki's shoulder, forcing the sorcerer to do most of the job of keeping them moving across the last yards to the shore.

The agent was almost dead weight and Loki had to drag him along, holding tightly to the shorter man's torso in order to keep him from collapsing into the icy water.

The moment Loki's feet touched dry land he threw their belongings to the side and fully grabbed Coulson under the arms dragging him completely out of the lake and into the cave tunnel. He laid the man on the ground and then dove into the bundle of clothes to fetch the device that produced light in order to see what he was doing.

The human's movements were sluggish, and he was conscious but just barely, mumbling incoherencies. What worried Loki the most was the bluish tint to his lips and extremities. He unfolded the clothes they had carried - paying no mind to the agent's gun when it tumbled to the ground - and draped them over Coulson's prone body. He tried rubbing the man's arms and legs though what they really needed was a source of heat, and fast, and Loki wasn't particularly known for his body heat.

Loki desperately looked around and almost shouted a thanks to the Norns when he spotted more of the same crates littering the tunnel further ahead. Leaving Coulson's side momentarily, Loki rushed to the wooden boxes, tearing up the old wood in big chunks and throwing them into a pile a few feet away. Then he grabbed another one of those long steel bars and bent it into a circle, which he placed around the torn wooden boards.

The sorcerer dreaded what he had to do next, but there was no other way he could think of to light a fire quickly. Taking a deep breath, Loki held his hand in front of him towards the fire and whispered  _svíða_. Immediately, a sharp pain, like lightning, shot through his heart causing him to clutch his chest and double over.

As the pain subsided, he glanced up and was satisfied to see the wooden planks were now ablaze.

Loki rubbed a hand over his aching chest and stumbled back to the human who had begun shivering again. That was a good sign, Loki knew. Crouching down beside Coulson, Loki slid his arms underneath the man's legs and shoulders and lifted him up. Normally, such a move would have been effortless, but Loki was exhausted, hungry, and six months pregnant, after all, and for an instant he thought he'd fall back down. However, he managed to stay upright, and he carefully moved the human closer to the fire. He made sure to layer their clothes over him in an effort to help Coulson regain some body heat.

He then shuffled back to the remaining crates and equipment and grabbed a couple of dusty canvas tarps that were covering one of the boxes, and he draped one over Coulson.

He checked that the agent was still, indeed, alive and, being satisfied that he was just sleeping, Loki stumbled to the other side of their campfire and gracelessly fell to his knees. He was panting hard, his body protesting the exertion he had put on it. But at least they had made it; he didn't know if they'd manage to get out of this infernal tunnel, but at least they had crossed their biggest obstacle yet. With a grunt, Loki lowered himself to the ground the rest of the way, draped the second canvas over himself, and succumbed to his own exhaustion.

* * *

Coulson's POV

A sharp stinging sensation woke Phillip Coulson from his dreamless sleep. As he returned to the land of the conscious, it felt like all of his nerve endings were tingling like crazy, as if all of his limbs had gone to sleep. He clenched and unclenched his hands and feet, wiggling his fingers and toes in order to make them stop stinging, and it mostly helped.

Next, he needed to gather his bearings. He was lying on very uncomfortable ground, covered in a lot of small and irregular bits of cloth and, slowly opening his eyes to look down his length, one very large piece of  _burlap_?

A soft snore somewhere nearby drew his attention, and he realized the noise came from Loki, who was sleeping under a similarly large canvas tarp on the other side of a bright fire.

_How long was I out? How out of it was I?!_

The last definite thing he could remember was the freezing lake. Now, he was on dry land, acceptably warm, and covered by layers of…  _were those his clothes… AND Loki's?!_

Sitting up, Coulson realized that he was still mostly naked, as the clothes had just been piled on top of him, though not all of them. Looking around he spied his shoes and socks a few feet away strewn on the ground. A bit further off he saw his gun, and a few feet farther away was his cellphone with the flashlight still on.

Obviously, Loki hadn't known how to turn it off or, more likely, hadn't cared.

Coulson contemplated the fire and wondered how Loki had managed it. The wood clearly came from one of those mining crates, but how did he get the fire started. Somehow, he couldn't picture the alien rubbing two pieces of wood together to light the fire. Maybe he found some matches.

_Or maybe he used magic_. His mind provided.

He didn't know what it meant if he did, but he supposed that, if Loki had gone through the trouble of dragging him out of the water and ensure he didn't die, then he could afford to trust him a little.

Throwing off the canvas tarp, Coulson set to sorting through the clothes that covered him, setting aside those pieces that belonged to the sorcerer. He put on his undershirt and shirt, but left it unbuttoned, and got up to retrieve his socks and shoes.

The rustling movement woke his sleeping companion.

"How do you feel?" Loki's gruffer voice bespoke of his tiredness. Nonetheless, Coulson jumped at the sound and he would later swear that his jump wasn't accompanied by a girlish yelp.

He tuned to look at Loki, whose head poked out from under his makeshift blanket and who looked mildly amused at Coulson's undignified startling.

"I'm alive. I have you to thank for that," he replied, and was surprised to note that he really was grateful for the alien's care. "What about you? I'm sorry I wasn't much help with anything." He said, waving a hand around to indicate the campfire.

Loki lifted himself on one elbow, the tarp falling to his midriff.

"You need not worry. It was your condition that was more troubling."

That didn't answer Coulson's question, which made him frown.

"We can't all be immune to cold temperatures, right?" he said, gathering his spilled clothes and returning to his original spot. "Are you sure you're ok," he repeated, "you're in no condition to be putting up with all this crap either," he said, pointedly.

"We are fine," Loki reassured him, "though, I will admit I am very tired."

"Maybe you should rest some more."

Loki didn't reply. Instead, he propped himself up against the wall behind him, holding the canvas sheet around him so that it covered the bump in his lower abdomen.

"How did you make the fire?" Coulson asked, though he was fairly certain he knew the answer.

"Magic," Loki replied after a beat.

Coulson nodded and set about dressing himself.

He didn't really need the confirmation; he knew Loki must have used magic. And what could he say about it? That it was a foolish thing to have done? According to Loki, he shouldn't be using magic – his teleportation act had been bad enough. On the other hand, Coulson would probably have frozen to death without the large heat source. So, all he could do was be grateful about it. He wasn't about to berate Loki for it, though it obviously accounted for the sorcerer's prolonged exhaustion.

Coulson finished dressing, so he gathered up Loki's clothing, including the pair of leather shoes that were lying a few feet away, and brought them over to the alien.

The other man did not say anything, but he held Coulson's gaze as the agent handed him his garments. It seemed they had reached some kind of unspoken understanding.

Coulson turned and went to retrieve his phone, tuning off the flashlight for now and glancing at the time. It was three in the morning, New York time. If they had made it across by at least half-eight, then they had slept for maybe just over six hours. Not bad, but not enough for them to be well rested.

At the same time, resting, at this point, mattered little. He'd now gone close to sixteen hours without food while undergoing a severe shock to the system. He didn't know when the last time Loki had had a meal was. Undeniably, they were up the metaphorical shit creek without a paddle.

Maybe they could at least have hot water for breakfast, if he could find a way of heating it up.

Coulson felt Loki's eyes on him as he walked over to the broken up crates and mining equipment and started rooting about. After several minutes of checking several boxes and tossing tools about, he hit pay dirt. He found some tins full of screws, and he tossed the contents of two of them into the crates. He also picked up a pair of welding tongs lying in another case, and brought it all back to the campfire.

He dropped the tongs by his makeshift bedding and walked the last few feet to the lake shore before proceeding to crouch down to rinse out the two tins; he didn't want to risk drinking rust. After thoroughly cleaning the tins, he got up and walked a few feet away from where he'd just cleaned them, and filled them up with clear, clean water.

Coulson returned to the fire and used the tongs to hold one of the tin cups just above the fire. All throughout his task, Loki kept silent watch.

After a minute, Coulson removed the cup from the fire and carefully tested the water. It seemed suitably hot, though not scalding. Using the tongs, he extended the cup over to where Loki sat.

Wordlessly, the sorcerer reached for the tin.

"Careful! It's hot."

Loki nodded and reached using the large canvas to grasp the cup and hold it between his hands.

"Thank you."

"It's not much of anything, but it'll keep us hydrated and fill our stomachs with something hot at least."

A small soft laugh came from Loki – the first one Coulson had heard from him that wasn't laced with cynicism or bitterness. He raised an inquisitive eyebrow at it.

There was a gentle smile on Loki's lips as he brought the cup to them and blew against the hot water.

"It's nothing; you stirred a memory from long ago." At Coulson's intrigued look, he continued. "Once, we were on a hunt, and we not only lost our bearings, but also our provisions."

"We?" Coulson asked while filling holding his own cup over the fire to heat up.

"Thor… and the Warriors Three and the Lady Sif. I did this," Loki waved a hand at the fire and their meager breakfast, "for them as well, then. They were… unconvinced by my claim that hot water would fill their stomachs." Loki didn't add anything else, and Coulson watched the previous unexpected fondness over the memory turn to something sadder on Loki's face, but he thought better than to pursue it. He imagined the sorcerer must have hundreds of memories that were now forever tainted with the recent revelations he had undergone.  _A thousand years of memories spoiled by a revelation of heritage_ , Coulson thought. Briefly, he wondered whether Loki had considered himself to be friends with the Warriors Three and Lady Sif, though if he recalled their behavior during the incident with the Destroyer, he doubted it.

Coulson took his cup out of the fire and pulled the canvas onto his lap to hold the cup, desperately wanting some food instead of a measly cup of hot water. It was then he remembered his jacket, which he had left lying on the side.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, placing the cup on the ground, and grabbing the garment. He rooted around one of the pockets and extracted the powerbar he had found earlier.

"Loki," he called out, "here." Coulson tossed the bar across, without a second thought.

Loki caught it with one hand, staring at it in confusion before understanding dawned on him.

"Have you another?"

"Nah, bit shortsighted on my part," Coulson chuckled.

"Then I cannot take it." Coulson raised an eyebrow at Loki's emphatically firm reply.

"Of course you can, and you will. Just eat it, Loki."

"We shall split it between us." Loki said stubbornly, putting his cup down so he could follow through on his words.

"We'll do nothing of the sort. You should have it." Coulson could have rolled his eyes at Loki.

The alien shook his head at him in outrage.

"Why? Why would you do this? It is not fair on you. I do not understand." The sorcerer's words confused the agent.

"Loki, it's just a cereal bar. And it  _is_  fair; you're pregnant."  _And you saved me from freezing, AND you used magic when you probably shouldn't have!_  Coulson added in his mind.

Coulson stared at Loki in worryingly. He was staring at the bar like he'd just been handed an actual gold bar. He really hoped the sorcerer didn't start crying again. He wasn't trying to be overly nice, or anything; he was just being practical, after all.

"Thank you," was Loki's whispered reply, as if he had just been given something precious beyond all meassure.

The alien's constant gratefulness over the smallest things – being allowed to rest, being handed some water, being offered a grain bar – was starting to put Coulson off. It was so very unlike the proud, acerbic bastard he had first met. Oh, there was still sarcasm there, and a hefty dose of cynicism,  _and_  Coulson was sure that Loki considered him mentally deficient, but Loki looked taken by surprise when being on the receiving end of common decency.

That in itself brought another subject to the forefront of Philip's mind, namely the fact that Coulson still didn't know what he was going to do concerning one of Earth's most-wanted once they were out of this tunnel.

Could he in good conscience let Loki escape? Could he in good conscience take him prisoner, for that matter? And he didn't only have Loki to consider; Coulson had to think about what either of those options would mean for the baby. Could he just let Loki disappear to somewhere on Earth to have and raise this alien kid? Or, on the other hand, could he potentially put the baby in danger by handing Loki over to S.H.I.E.L.D.? He couldn't believe that S.H.I.E.L.D. would harm a child, though. And what were Loki's thoughts on the matter? What was he planning to do?

He looked up from his hot cup of water to see that the sorcerer had been staring at him intently from across the narrow tunnel. Coulson gazed back silently until his curiosity got the better of him.

"What?"

"Hmm?" Loki hummed inquiringly.

"You're starring."

"Oh, I.. I was just.. wondering some things," Loki fiddled with the cup in his hands and the unopened grain bar.

"Some…. things?"

"It's nothing," he mumbled, his eyes downcast as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have done.

"You're staring at me like I've grown a second head, but it's nothing?" the agent insisted.

Loki glanced away in apparent embarrassment, and Coulson thought that he could see the indecision in the alien's eyes.

"How are you alive?" Loki blurts out suddenly and it takes Coulson aback. His reaction must have been evident, for Loki quickly backtracked. "I'm sorry! I did not intent to pry into your affairs. You enquired about my thoughts…. that is what I was thinking, I was not seeking an answer. I will not ask such a thing again." He said in rapid succession.

Coulson stared mutely as Loki fumbled through his answer. He took note of how the other man's hands trembled around the cup slightly at his perceived trespass. Then Loki hastily put his unopened grain bar on the ground as if in self-punishment, and Coulson just about had enough.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, you know! For goodness sake's, Loki, eat the stupid powerbar and ease up on the theatrics!"

Loki froze across from him, unsure of how to proceed, and Coulson cursed himself for being so tactless.

"And don't apologize again. You didn't do anything wrong." Coulson pre-empted, already expecting Loki's apologies. "I just said I didn't want to talk about it, not that you shouldn't be curious." Just how jittery was the trickster, for goodness' sake?

Loki was utterly still, staring at the ground. It exasperated Coulson. He knew his annoyance came from the fact that he was hungry, cold, and angry at being lost in this cave, though if he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he was also annoyed at Loki's blurted question. Even after two years, he hated thinking about what has happened…. what had been done to him.

And now here was the bastard that made him go through it in the first place all pathetic and pitiful with his sad story of dead children and mind controlling aliens and scarred back that indicated torture, who's been nothing if not civil in a very trying situation, submitting to his questioning and prodding and even going to far as saving his life when he would almost certainly have died of hypothermia in the middle of some underground lake in Iceland, practically cowering because he had the audacity to be curious and ask a question when prompted to do so. It was enough to make one crazy.

Coulson took a deep calming breath.

"Loki, please, just eat that thing," he said evenly, "It makes no sense for neither of us to have it, especially when you're in this," he waved his hand in Loki's direction, "condition. Stop worrying so much," he finished, leaning his head back against the wall with a huff when the sorcerer didn't move one inch.

_Damned broken aliens_ , he thought, making an effort to concentrate on anything except Loki's question.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gigantic chapter ahead!

 

Loki's POV

Loki held himself very still and willed himself not to cry.

_Don't cry, you fool. Don't cry_.  _Must you ruin everything?_

He couldn't believe that he'd asked that. It just came out, unexpectedly. He hadn't realized that he'd even been staring at the agent. He'd just been looking in his direction as he pondered the puzzle that was Philip Coulson.  _How can he be alive?_  he'd wondered to himself. Even though his memories while being in Thanos' thrall were murky in many places, he could distinctly remember the feeling of the blade in his hand as it plunged against his will into the agent's back. He knew the blow had been fatal, even with Midgardian technology. And what had the human said before? Didn't he admit the wound  _was_  indeed mortal and that Midgardians did not have the technology to heal him? Loki did not know of many creatures, other than himself , who could have survived. It peaked his interest intellectually, and it distracted him from his current predicament – puzzles and riddles always had – so much so that he didn't realize he'd been caught staring. He was so curious that when Coulson insisted on knowing what had had him staring, he just blurted it out.

" _I will not bring it up again"_ , he'd promised, and now he'd broken it and brought on a subject he knew the human did not want to discuss. It would certainly be seen as an act of deliberate defiance. His hastily added apologies sounded absurd and empty in his own ears. His hands trembled from the sudden rush of fear that flooded his body and he nearly dropped the cup of hot water and the wrapped food bar.

What if Coulson finally decided that Loki wasn't worth the trouble anymore and just took up his gun and shot him?

_I certainly won't need any food then_ , he thought sarcastically, which brought on another thought.  _How ungrateful must I be?_  Coulson had given him his one source of food, and he responds by bringing up something which clearly causes the other man offense?

Realizing that actions spoke louder than words, Loki controlled himself enough to lower the grain bar to the ground and slightly away from himself in, what he hoped, was a clear act of contrition.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, you know!" shouted the agent, as if reading his dark thoughts. "For goodness sake's, Loki, eat the stupid powerbar and ease up on the theatrics!"

It was everything he could do just to hold himself still. He'd, yet again, done the wrong thing. What was wrong with him?

"And don't apologize again." He heard the human add, "You didn't do anything wrong." Loki could almost have laughed at that. "I just said I didn't want to talk about it, not that you shouldn't be curious." Coulson said.

How he wished he didn't do anything wrong. But that's just who he was, wasn't he? Wrong from the very start; wrong to everyone who ever knew him; wrong as a son, wrong as a brother, wrong as a parent, wrong as a lover. By Yggdrasil, he couldn't even die or hide properly! And then, even in escaping, he endangered another.

"Loki, please, just eat that thing. It makes no sense for neither of us to have it, especially when you're in this condition. Stop worrying so much."

Loki let his gaze fall on the proffered item. The idea of even trying to eat anything just then turned his stomach, despite how hungry he'd been mere moments ago. He extended his hand towards the wrapped bar and picked it up, though he was sure that if he ate it, it would turn to ashes in his mouth.

Thanks to his unbalanced hormones, his emotions were all over the place, and he wanted nothing more than to break down and cry. His hands fumbled the wrapping until he managed to open it and he stared at the compact grain bar through tearful eyes. He didn't think he could actually eat it; if he opened his mouth now, he was afraid that what would come out would be a pathetic sob.

"I did actually die, you know."

Loki's brain sputtered for a moment in confusion, uncertain if he'd heard the half-whispered words that came from Coulson's direction or not.

His eyes lifted immediately to where the other man was sitting against the wall, head leaned back, not looking at anything. For a moment, Loki thought that maybe he  _had_  imagined it. Then Coulson shook his head and kept going quietly,

"But it's not the dying part that haunts me. It's how I'm alive. That's what I don't want to talk about, even though I can't stop thinking about it."

Loki didn't know how to respond. In fact, he was afraid to do anything at all.

"They brought me back to life, you see? I died, was dead for several days in fact, and then they injected me with a drug made from alien DNA and brought me back to life. And then they erased my memory of it through an even more horrible, torturous procedure." From the way Coulson said it, Loki had the impression that there was more to it than that. He sympathized, having retold many of the events that had occurred to him with a similar attempted detachment and vagueness in detail. Loki could remember in great painful detail the harrowing procedure that terminated his pregnancy seven hundred years ago, and he'd never forget the torture and abuse – both physical and mental – he suffered at the hands of the Other and Thanos... and his false-father, a tiny voice in his mind added. He could still feel the whippings and smell his own burning flesh. They were not details he would ever share with anyone, he knew.

"I was kept in the dark about it for almost a year," Coulson continued, "before I was…. forced to remember."

"Why… why have you told me this?"

Coulson laughed mirthlessly.

"Because you're not the only one who has gone through shit, Loki. You're not the only one who's had people use you against your will."

"I don't understand," and he really didn't. It made no sense whatsoever in Loki's mind for why Coulson would be telling him these things.

"You thought I was angry that you asked me how I was alive, right? I wasn't angry. I just hate remembering. But I suppose I made you remember and relive a lot of the shit that's been done to you before, so it seemed only fair."

Loki stared in disbelief; Coulson had told him what happened to him to put Loki at ease? He'd shared the thing he most hated remembering to  _reassure_  him?

"I don't understand." He repeated.

Across from him, Coulson shook his head again.

"Loki, I'm not going to hurt you - why in the world would I when you've been nothing if not cooperative this whole time? But you still sit there as if you think I'm going to shoot you; I don't even have my gun on me," he motioned to the gun laying a ways away from him. "I've come to realize in our few hours together that you've been hurt by a lot of people, and that's caused you to developed a mistrust of everyone around you. So I answered your question because you don't have to be afraid just now."

Loki still couldn't understand – he couldn't allow himself to understand. Why would anyone want to reassure him that they would not hurt him? Was the agent trying to lure him into a sense of security? Was he trying to gain his trust? Loki was  _filth_  – a monster to be hated, feared, and punished. Why would this lowly human who had him in his clutches want to show him kindness? By the Norns, he'd killed him! His hands had taken away his life and caused him to experience all of that subsequent torment.

"Loki, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Loki realized that the human had been speaking to him further just then, but he hadn't heard a word. He shook his head violently, his body hunched in on itself as much as he could. His arms had wrapped around his front, holding tightly as if he'd fall to pieces if he let go.

He felt more than saw movement near him, and his body instinctively flinched, pressing against the wall behind him as if he could become one with the rock.

A hand touched his bare shoulder and he distantly realized that he still had not redressed from their stint in the lake. He pulled the makeshift canvas blanket around his torso tightly.

"Please… please," he could barely articulate words to express his turbulent thoughts.

"Please what, Loki? What's wrong?"

"Please, cease this kindness. I do not understand," Loki replied, unable to stop the sob that bubbled up his throat.

"Loki… it's ok…"

"Please, I can't… I can't do it again." He couldn't stand to be tricked like this again. He knew he was a fool; he latched onto those who were kind to him; he had experienced so little kindness in his life. And every time he was punished for his trust. His mother had seemed kind to him all his life, and yet she didn't raise a finger when his children were taken from him,... when his baby was taken.. when his youngest were... A body-shaking sob escaped him. He'd trusted Thor, but his so called brother had been equally indifferent to his plight throughout the centuries culminating with his shame-filled trial two years ago. Svadilfari, Angrbod, Sigyn, and… , all had cast him aside as unworthy. Better to push his emotions deep into the dark recesses of his mind than be hurt yet again. He hated himself for longing for this kindness; for the glimmer of hope it ignited.

"What do you mean? What can't you do again?" he heard Coulson's voice.

Loki shook his head again, unable to stopper the tears that rolled down his cheeks unbidden.

Strong hands gripped his upper arms, holding him up.

_Stop. Please stop. I can't. I can't._  Something in the back of his mind told him that he was becoming hysterical and unreasonable – blowing the entire situation out of proportion. But he was so tired, so emotionally tired. All of his current problems were derived precisely out of having been too ingenuous, too trusting.  _Him!_  The Trickster. The Liesmith. Untrustworthy Loki Silvertongue had let down his defenses and been tricked by gentleness and pretend affection. How could he have been so stupid? That question spun madly around his mind over and over.

"He lied to me." He shouted between his heavy sobs, finally admitting the root of his anger and self-hatred. "He was kind, and he swore love to me, and he made me hope, but it was all lies." The words poured out of him in a stream. All the while, he was just held in that strong grip.

* * *

Coulson's POV

Coulson was surprised to find himself answering Loki's question  _"How are you alive?"_  But as he told the sorcerer, it seemed only fair. And in many ways, it felt cathartic for him too; he had kept secret from his team just how badly the truth about T.A.H.I.T.I. had hit him – how afraid it made him. The memories that had resurfaced were traumatic, but he couldn't tell anyone for fear that they would think him insane. And now here he was, confessing it to Loki, of all people, in order to make the alien less afraid of him, of all reasons.

If someone had told him that morning that today he'd be trying to find a way of making Loki-the-would-be-conqueror-of-Earth "comfortable", he'd have run straight to S.H.I.E.L.D. and told them he had indeed gone insane.

Yet here he was.

Unfortunately, his moment of sharing didn't have the desired effect of putting Loki at ease. Instead, it resulted in another emotional outburst from the sorcerer. He supposed the pregnancy was to blame for the emotional instability, though he had a nagging feeling that whatever was really upsetting Loki had to do with the real reason he was here on Earth – that thing he hadn't wanted to talk about.

Tentatively, he approached Loki's hunched figure. Coulson never thought he'd see Loki in such a pitiful state. When he put a hand on Loki's shoulder, the other man flinched violently as if struck, and that's when Coulson heard him whispering softly, "Please, … please."

"Please what, Loki? What's wrong?"

"Please, cease this kindness. I do not understand." And there it was: what had Loki so confused and distraught was Coulson's niceness. He could have laughed if it wasn't such a sad situation. Loki could put up with demands and commands and the impending threat of execution – it was a "relationship" and situation he understood. But expecting and accepting kindness from someone else, that was unheard of in his worldview, not because it didn't exist, but because he wanted it to exist.

"Loki… it's ok…" Philip wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. He wasn't exactly the comforting type.

"Please, I can't… I can't do it again." Well, that answer supported his working hypothesis.

Loki was practically doubled over on himself, as far as he could anyhow, and heartrending sobs shook his body. Coulson scooted closer and placed his hands on Loki's arms, trying to hold him up a little.

"What do you mean? What can't you do again?" he asked him.

Loki shook his head as he cried as if trying to shake off whatever thoughts he was having.

"Loki, it's ok to accept kindness from others. I told you I'm not going to hurt you, and I mean it. I'm not being nice just to trick you." He wasn't sure Loki was even listening to him.

"He lied to me." Loki shouted suddenly. "He was kind, and he swore love to me, and he made me hope, but it was all lies."

"I'm sorry he did that." And he was stunned to realize that he did mean it. He could derive no pleasure out of other people being in pain.

"I take it you're talking about your baby's father?"

For once, Loki nodded his head. Thankfully, after his outburst confession, his sobs were diminishing, though tears continued falling down his face.

"He.. he.. I.." Loki's stuttered words came out in tearful hiccups as if unsure how to proceed.

"What happened after you left Asgard?" Coulson asked, thinking that maybe if they backtracked a little he'd be able to give Loki some distance from the subject so he'd be able to talk about it. The sorcerer's cries had reduced to occasional silent sobs, though the tears themselves did not stop. It made something twist in Coulson's gut.

He scrounged around one of his pockets for a moment until he found a handkerchief, which he handed to Loki, grateful that the other man took it without further protestations against kindness.

Loki dabbed his reddened cheeks, though he couldn't seem to stop himself from crying. It was as if a dam had been unleashed, and it made Coulson wonder whether Loki had been suppressing his emotions concerning this matter over the last six months.

"I, uhm," Loki coughed to clear his throat, "After I was exiled, I travelled to Vanaheim, though I found little welcome there. My m- queen Frigga's cousins there were less than pleased to have me in their world. There were few choices of worlds to go to in the Nine – Svartaflheim is a desolate hunk of rock; Nidavellir is a desolate hunk of  _space_  rock now that the dwarves are gone; Muspelheim is a world of fire where someone with my…  _heritage_  would not long survive; I am utterly unwelcome in Jötunheim for obvious reasons; and I am forbidden from travelling to Nilfheim on account of it being ruled by Hela, whom I am not allowed to see ever again.

"I had no means of procuring a ship to take me elsewhere, though, even if I could, I will admit some reluctance to leaving the Nine Realms. Therefore, I settled for Alfheim, the realm of the light-elves." Loki's speech had become steadier and he had finally stopped crying, though Coulson could feel the heavy sadness embedded in Loki's words. At least he was calmer, as he'd hoped he would become.

Loki continued, unable to stop now that he had begun.

"I was able to procure employment at Alfheim's learning district, intending to hide away for a decade or two researching hermetic magics. Undoubtedly it sounds tedious to most warriors," he lifted his eyes to Coulson's as though indicating him, "but I had had enough of warring."

Coulson couldn't help the unexpected bubble of laughter that escaped his lips.

"I find it difficult to picture you as a nerdy magic researcher at some alien university. No, on second thought.. it's not that difficult at all." He glanced at Loki and saw the hardening around his eyes. "Sorry, I'm not laughing at you; just at the image in my head."

"Quite. It's not a task I am unfamiliar with," he said defensively. "In my youth, after… in my youth I immersed myself in magical studies too. I traveled farther than most magicians would be willing to go and learned lost forgotten magic from the time when Yggdrasil herself was young."

Coulson raised his hands, outstretched, in front of him. "Really, I wasn't laughing at you. Just, remember when I last met you, ok? It made a contradictory image in my head."

Loki looked mollified at being reminded of his actions in New York two years ago, which in turn made Coulson feel guilty about throwing it back in Loki's face. He'd just been amused, as he said, by the conflicting images of "evil crazy Loki" and "scholarly sorcerer Loki".

As Loki gathered his words to continue his story, another thought went through Coulson's mind. Loki had referenced another time when he had immersed himself in magical study, "in his youth, after…". The agent could only surmise that he was talking about seven hundred years ago, when his kids were taken away. It made Coulson wonder just how "young" Loki had been and how he considered himself now given that, by human standards, he could easily pass for someone in their early thirties. But what was age to an immortal being, after all?

Also, Coulson deduced, Loki found comfort in magic – running off to learn more and surround himself with it each time things went askew.  _Must be why he feels defenseless now_ , Coulson guessed,  _he can't access the magic that protects him_. Thinking back on the story Loki had told him previously, it seemed that every time things went wrong, it was tied to both a betrayal/abandonment on the part of someone Loki had trusted and a loss of magical control. His "father" takes his kids away and uses magic to enslave one of his sons, so Loki goes off to study magic and become a powerful sorcerer; his so-called-father abandons him again to fall into the Void and Loki lands amongst fuckers who use magic to torture and control him, so after his trial on Asgard, Loki goes off again to study magic. Coulson had a growing suspicion that the story Loki was telling now would have a similar ending of betrayal and loss of control.

"Well, in any case, that is what I did. It was… comforting," he said, confirming Coulson's hypothesis.

"Three months after I arrived I met… someone. He worked in the same district of the capital city, researching the biological traits of indigenous populations across the Nine. It was unexpected, and I found it so refreshing being in Alfheim, where such interests were welcome and where there were others of similar inclination,"  _As opposed to Asgard_ , Coulson guessed, where it seemed brawn was infinitely preferred over brains and the pursuit of knowledge.

"He.. his name.. his name was Alvar," Loki's voice became heavy and hesitant once again, which Coulson was expecting. "He was… fascinating – his mind and his thoughts – , and he was so  _kind_  to me. He knew who I was, yet, he did not seem to care.

"We became..  _close_." Loki's euphemistic subtext was not lost on Coulson. "I was wary, at first, and I was convinced it would only be a short inconsequential affair, but we were together for nearly a year and I began thinking that, perhaps, I might be able to put recent events behind me." Loki's face crumbled momentarily though he quickly regained control, laughing cynically, and, if Coulson was honest, a bit hysterically instead.

"What a fool I am." He said softly.

"What happened?" Coulson prompted gently. Loki's story had not gone in the direction he thought it would, and for that, in a way, he was grateful. He would admit to himself at having been reluctant to prod Loki into this matter. The sorcerer's erratic emotional responses, his mistrust of false kindness, the noticeable undercurrent of fear that colored Loki's words whenever he referenced  _him_ , and Loki's unplanned pregnancy, all kind of suggested one conclusion, and Coulson really didn't want it confirmed. He had hated Loki for a long time, but he would never wish  _that_  on anyone.

"About a year after we met, I found myself with child," Loki said matter-of-factly.

Phil raised an eyebrow at the abrupt statement.

"You guys don't have contraception in the rest of the universe?'

The agent actually saw Loki's conscious effort to not roll his eyes.

"As a matter of fact, we do, and I did. Ever since… ever since the Allfather decreed I must not bear children, I made sure to place spells upon myself that would prevent such an occurrence from taking place. So you can imagine my surprise one day when suddenly my magic established a link with the life inside me. It should never have happened; it was utterly impossible.

"I ran magic tests to confirm it, though there was little to doubt. The magical connection between my soul and the child's is unmistakable; it meant I had been pregnant for a month by that point."

"A month? It takes that long for the…magical connection thing?"

"The connection does not form right way. At first, there's not really a child; it's only cells and tissue, is it not? But once the heart is formed and it begins beating, my magic connects to the new soul in order to sustain it."

"Do you know what happened?"

Loki's eyes took on a far-off look.

"Yes. At first, I wondered whether there was some species incompatibility between us. Elves are magic users too, though Alvar had not mentioned that he could wield it. I thought that, perhaps, any basic magic he could inherently possess had interfered with my spells. But that was not it." Loki said ominously.

"I was afraid to say anything. I was afraid that even saying it out-loud would somehow reach Asgard and Odin, and his Einherjar would arrive to capture me. I thought of fleeing – finding passage to a distant world outside the Nine and hiding, but I was afraid I could not run for long." Coulson understood that Loki was referencing the fact that he would lose access his magic slowly over the next few months.

"So I resolved to tell Alvar. I thought that perhaps he would protect me-" Loki suddenly laughed loudly at his own words – a cold, bitter laughter full of grief and anger. "He had been such a gentle companion, and had professed such… affections for me, I entertained the thought that he would protect me." Tears returned and tumbled from Loki's long eyelashes, though his voice remained steady.

"When I told him what had happened, I expected him to be surprised, confused, or upset. I was even prepared for him to doubt that he was the father." Loki's head shook as he remembered that day. "Instead, he was disgusted – revolted at the situation."

"What?" Coulson said after a beat.

"'Are you telling me I got a Frost Giant pregnant?', he shouted at me."

Coulson's mouth hung open.

"Wait… he was ok sleeping with you, but having a baby with you disgusted him? That.. makes no sense."

"It makes perfect sense considering what he confessed to me then. He begun pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself about how this should not have happened and how much of an idiot he had been. I tried to find a way to appease him, to explain and assure him that he had done nothing wrong." Loki laughed again at his own words.

"He shouted that 'the spells should have revealed my true nature' and that he didn't know I could conceive."

"What did he mean that 'the spells'?"

"Alvar is indeed a scholar of biology in the Nine, and I was his research subject," Loki pronounced.

At Phil's look of mute shock, Loki continued.

"He main area of study was the Jötnar - a fact he had hid from me-, and what luck, here was a Jötunn working in the same district on his planet. He decided that the best way to study his research subject was to seduce me and use magic to attempt to suppress the spell that holds my current appearance. He wanted to see if he could break through my spell and reveal the Jötunn underneath, thereby testing my specie's magical control."

"Magic that suppresses magic." Coulson mumbled as understanding hit him.

"Exactly. What he did not know is that the glamour I wear is not my own magic – it is Odin's magic, placed upon me as an infant. I can suppress it with my own magic because it's placed on my person, and it can be overcome if I hold the Casket of Ancient Winters or if I'm touched by another Jötunn, but it cannot be broken by another's magic."

"But it did cancel your own contraception spell."

"Precisely."

"You didn't notice? I mean… how long was he doing it?" Didn't Loki say they had been together for a year?

Loki's bitter laughter bounced off the rock walls once again and more tears escaped his eyes.

"That's the  _best_  part! Instead of asking me whether I would turn into a Jötunn for his study – which we could have discussed – he decided that he needed to strip me of the glamour secretly. Hence the seduction; it was when we were together and I was most  _distracted_  or asleep after our time together that he would activate the spells he was working on. Thus, I never noticed until it was too late."

"Oh my god." Well, that was worse than anything Coulson could have imagined himself.

"It took him a year for one of his cancelling spells to actually have any effect."

"And he just kept…  _at it_  for a year?"

"Apparently," Loki added, voice thick with tears, "he derived a perverse thrill out of bedding a monstrous creature such as me."

"Shit, Loki." Coulson didn't know what to say. What did you say to that? What did you say to a guy who had been used as, essentially, a lab rat?

"Fuck… Loki, you are not a monster. Just because you're a.. a 'Jötunn' it doesn't make you a monster. Fucking racist alien assholes." He mumbled to himself in disbelief. No wonder Loki was so messed up in the head.

"Well, according to Alvar, that's exactly what I am. Therefore, the prospect of procreating with a monster was about the most shameful notion he could ever imagine."

Coulson stared at Loki as he interpreted the meaning behind Loki's words.

"He wanted to kill the baby." He stated, not needing to ask.

"Yes." Loki confirmed nonetheless, in a low voice. "He made it clear that he would not let me 'shame him' with my 'half-breed offspring'. I begged for my child's life, and swore that I would never say it was his, but he said he had no choice. He was afraid that if and when Asgard found out, I would tell them the truth and all the realms would know what he did.

"So I ran away, while I still could. I could not ...  _deal_  with him because it would have drawn unwanted attention, especially if word got back to Asgard, However, as a magic wielder, Alvar is pathetic, and he could not follow me, especially to the one place in all the Nine where he is forbidden from coming."

"Earth." Coulson provided. "The accords with Asgard are that only Asgardians can come here, and even then, under strict regulation."

"And if he chased me, he would be admitting his own guilt."

"I'm… I'm so sorry."

"Please don't," came Loki's tired plea.

"Loki,"

"No," Loki said forcefully, looking straight into Coulson's eyes. "please…" he added, but could not articulate the turmoil in his heart. "I can't… just don't.." ' _lie to me'_ , Phil imagined were the words Loki couldn't say.

"Loki, I'm not being nice to trick you. It's just common decency. I realize that that's really scarce in Asgard and, to tell you the truth, here too," he added hastily, "but that's still what it is. And I'm also not lying when I say that you didn't deserve any of this."

"But I do. I must. Otherwise… it makes no sense." And Coulson didn't have a response for that.  _'You've been surrounded by assholes who've taken advantage of you your entire millennium-long life to the point where you've practically lost everything, but at least it wasn't your fault?'_  No, that didn't sound like a good response, even if it was the truth.

"Why did you help me, in the lake?" He asked suddenly.

"What?" asked Loki, confused by Coulson's random question.

"Earlier, when we were crossing the lake, I was going to succumb to hypothermia and drown. You pulled me to shore and built a fire – using magic you should not be using – and saved my life. It would have been easier and safer for you to let me die. Why didn't you?"

Loki stared at him with an unreadable expression. He opened his mouth to respond a couple of times but wasn't be able to get the words out, so Coulson answered for him.

"You did it because it was the decent thing to do. You weren't looking for something in return, you didn't do it out of pity or fear or guilt."

"I couldn't let-" Loki stopped himself.

"You couldn't let me die." Coulson finished for him. "You couldn't let another person die when you could do something about it. Same thing here; I'm not trying to trick you. You were hungry and I could do something – not much – but something about it. You were upset and the least I could do was listen. You don't have to trust me, but then I didn't do any of that so you would."

Loki mulled over his words silently.

"I understand." he whispered a minute later. "But you know what the danger of accepting kindness is?"

Coulson shook his head.

"It makes you start to hope."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day!
> 
> So, I like the idea of Loki being into research and magical study, particularly as a coping mechanism for everything he's gone through. It's actually statistically shown that a lot of people who have been through abuse will learn fighting techniques and survival tactics as means of coping and ensuring they can't be hurt again. But I didn't think Loki would be the sort to turn to fighting - that would be too reminiscent of Thor - so magic becomes his security blanket and his guarantee that he can't be hurt again; it guarantees that he can be strong enough to defend himself and his.
> 
> Once I had that notion in my head, I needed to find a place that would enable him to study magics in a larger scholarly setting. At first I thought of Vanaheim - as it just strikes me as a more enlightened place than Asgard, but given that Frigga is originally from Vanaheim, I didn't think Loki would want to go there. That left the realm of the light-elves, and the Tolkien lover in me couldn't pass it up.
> 
> Concerning Alvar (the one OC in the story), I wanted to write a scenario that was convincingly horrific without resorting to the "Loki was raped" cliché. It wasn't enough to just have someone use him, but to have a character who tricked him into caring for them, only to betray that trust - to have hidden their true nature and intentions from Loki. That seemed to me to be more traumatic. What do you guys think?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a whole week to upload another chapter! Hope you guys like it!

Coulson's POV

After their heavy and tiring conversation Coulson decided that it was best they rest for a few more hours. He had caught the way Loki's hand would press against his swollen belly constantly, trying to soothe the baby within. The sorcerer looked like a wrung out rag, and it's not as if he'd looked the picture of cheerful health when they first landed in this underground cavern.

Loki finally ate the grain bar Coulson had given him, and then burrowed under the tarp-turned-blanket and slipped into unconsciousness. Phil, on his part, decided that rest was, indeed, a good policy right now, especially if they were going to embark on another long-day of walking. He made sure to add more chunks of wood to their fire and set an alarm on his watch for six before also turning in for the remainder of the night.

Twenty minutes before his watch was set to go off, however, a strange noise woke Coulson up. Momentarily confused by his present location, Phil sat up and looked around searching for the source of the noise that had awoken him. Immediately, he realized it came from Loki.

He was lying on his back twitching lightly, obviously in the middle of a dream. The canvas cloth had tangled around his legs and his hands clenched on the material that pooled around his exposed stomach.

The soft whimpers that had disturbed Coulson's sleep were coming from him.

Phil approached Loki gingerly. He should have expected this given the alien's state of mind before they went to sleep.

"N..stay –way…. nn…. pls… nnn don't" Coulson could make out mumbled words among the whimpers. Crouching down, he shook Loki's shoulder as gently as he could, afraid of scaring him.

"Loki, wake up. It's just a dream. You're safe. Wake up."

Loki woke up with a jerk and a gasp, but made no other move to get up. His breathing was harsh, but he didn't seem to be on the verge of another emotional outburst.

"You ok?"

"Yes," he whispered softly, his voice full of gratefulness. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

Coulson got up and left Loki's side, deciding that it was best not to dwell on it and further embarrass the poor Jötunn. He checked his watch to confirm the time, and then set about collecting the tins they had used the previous night for their hot water.

Filling them up with water from the lake, he set about heating them as he had done before. Loki sat up and watched him silently.

"We might as well drink something hot before we set out." He explained with a shrug, noticing the inquiring gaze.

"Agreed."

As Coulson focused on heating their meager breakfast, Loki rose to his feet, gathering the blanket around his midriff self-consciously, and picked up the pile of his clothing that had been left on the side. Hoisting the canvas around his shoulders and giving his back towards the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, he began dressing himself.

Coulson could have chuckled at Loki's sudden shyness given how quickly he'd disrobed himself when they had been about to enter the lake. He supposed, however, that then it had been a matter of practicality. Now, on the other hand, by the light of the fire, he might not want to expose himself to Coulson.  _Vulnerability_ , he thought, and not just Loki's vulnerability, but the baby's.

Loki dropped the canvas on the floor, dressed once again in the baggy clothes that obscured most of his large bump and sat back down on the cave ground in order to put on his shoes. As he finished, Coulson passed him his cup of hot water and they sipped their drinks in companionable silence.

"Well, no worth putting it off anymore." Said Coulson, getting up. He glanced around their little campfire making sure he'd gathered everything they needed to take. "Do you think we should put this out before we leave?"

"I don't see why. It will provide us a light source for the first few meters of our journey and it will put itself out without our tending it."

"That's what I thought."

They each took a moment to relieve themselves privately behind some of the piled up crates, and then they set off down the tunnel once again.

* * *

They kept a constant but unhurried pace. Coulson would obviously have liked to go faster, but Loki could walk for longer if they maintained a more sedate rhythm. Every ninety minutes they took a short half an hour break, again, for Loki's sake. Nonetheless, after seven hours Loki was beginning to noticeably lag behind.

He didn't say anything about it – not one word, but Coulson could hear the labored breathing Loki tried to control, and every time he glanced behind him, he could see the sorcerer holding on to the cave wall as he walked, one hand pressed against the rock for stability, the other cupped underneath his belly. A thin sheen of sweat covered Loki's brow, and Coulson knew they couldn't last much longer.

"Let's take an early break." He said, stopping where he was slightly ahead of Loki and waiting for the other man to catch up.

Loki shook his head.

"We must continue."

"Loki, you're exhausted, and pushing yourself won't do us any good."

"We can't stop. I can.. I can still go on," he said emphatically, though his harsh panting undermined his words.

"You're dead on your feet. And in pain, I imagine. Just, come on, let me help you to the floor and rest a bit."

Loki was about to give in when something caught his attention.

"Wait."

Phil stopped and looked down the tunnel, but he couldn't tell what had caught Loki's attention.

"What?"

Loki shushed him, and held his hand out in front of him, closing his eyes as if to sense better whatever it was he was sensing.

After a few seconds, Coulson interrupted again.

"What is it?"

"Wind," Loki's forehead creased, "I can feel a light breeze."

"You can?" Coulson tried to focus on any possible breeze, "I can't feel anything."

"It's there, I'm sure. Very faintly, a change in the air."

"Is this an alien thing?"

Loki actually shrugged. "Might be a Jötunn thing," he remarked offhandedly. "Come." Loki grabbed Coulson's arm and pulled him along.

"Might be a Jötunn thing?" Coulson repeated as he let Loki pulled him forward.

"I… don't actually know much about them. However, it strikes me as a possibility that I have an enhanced awareness of things like wind and temperature, given that they live on a frozen planet and that kind of awareness would be… handy." he speculated.

To Coulson, it seemed as good a theory as any.

They continued walking for fifteen more minutes before Loki's exhaustion won over his burst of renewed energy.

"Ok, we're taking a break right now." Coulson grabbed Loki's arm and made him stop.

"But, we must be close to the entrance. I'm certain of it. We must press on." Loki's eyes were clenched shut and his mouth hung open as he tried to take great gulps of air.

"It will still be there in thirty minutes when we set out again. How silly would it be to make yourself collapse when we're so close to getting out?" Phil raised an eyebrow for effect.

"Fair enough." Loki acquiesced and gingerly lowered himself to the floor with the agent's help.

After a minute, during which Loki regained some of his composure, Coulson inquired, "How's she doing?" motioning with his head towards Loki's stomach.

"She's extremely heavy; that's how she is doing."

"And you're only six months along, you said?" Coulson replied with a hint of amusement.

Loki groaned at the notion and pressed his hand against his aching back.

"I can see it now, a little six year old insisting that it's unfair that you won't buy her a candy bar, and you responding 'Well, mommy once walked several miles through an underground cave while a certain heavy someone gave him a terrible backache; life is unfair."

Loki chuckled at the conjured image, though his unbidden thoughts sobered him up the next moment.

"I hope I have a chance to hear her complain like that. Right now, it's all I can do just to make sure she's born."

"She'll be born, Loki. And she'll grow up, and she'll be safe."

"You can't know that," Loki said softly.

"I know her mother is going to fight for that."

"Her mother failed to protect her siblings."

Coulson hesitated for a moment. "I can help."

A heartbeat.

"You mean, S.H.I.E.L.D. can help." Loki's eyes narrowed.

"I meant me, but, yes, I also meant them."

"I'm S.H.I.E.L.D.'s enemy, and any child of mine will also be their enemy."

"No," Coulson shook his head emphatically, "that's not how we do things. An unborn child is not a threat to S.H.I.E.L.D.; they'd have no reason to declare it so."

"It's mine, therefore it's a threat."

"In Asgard, maybe, but not here."

"Do you plan to take me prisoner." Loki cut to the chase.

Another beat.

"No," Coulson answered after a pause.

"I might have a soft spot for gentility and I have been very naïve as of late, but do not forget that I am the Liesmith; I can spot a blatant lie when I hear one."

"It wasn't a lie." The agent responded defensively under his breath, though he  _had_  thought of it several hours before. "I mean, I'm not sure what to do about you. If I take you to S.H.I.E.L.D., I promise it won't be as a prisoner. I  _do_  have a duty to this world, to keep it safe, but I don't think you're a threat to it. On the other hand… I don't know if I can just let you go on your merry way.

"Then you do intend to take me prisoner." Loki spat out angrily.

"No. Not as a prisoner."

"Then as what? I will not go willingly. I will not expose my unborn child to a questionable institution like S.H.I.E.L.D.."

"What are you talking about?"

"Thanos looked into S.H.I.E.L.D. when I was in his thrall." Loki shouted, "He wanted to know what kind of a threat it posed to his plans. I remember files… videos.. I saw some of the things S.H.I.E.L.D. has done, their research and their methods. You yourself don't even trust them!"

"I work for them!"

"Didn't you say they're the ones who brought you back, without your consent, and then made you forget?"

Coulson stuttered for a response, but Loki continued his rant.

"And now you expect me to put my child's life in their hands? Do you truly believe that they would not use such an opportunity to examine and experiment on an infant alien lifeform? That they would not use her as a means of ensuring my cooperation? Are you even certain that they will not hand us over to Asgard as an allegiance offering?"

"It… it won't be like that. And, in any case, what's my alternative? Let you go? Let you disappear? What assurance do I have that you won't pose a security risk?"

Loki's cynical laugh resounded once again.

"My dear agent Coulson," Loki's voice dripped venom, "that is not what really concerns you. You're not afraid of what I will do; what can I do but hide and protect my child? My peace with this world is assured. Any threatening action I ever take – any violation to any of your laws – would put her in danger. She's your assurance. But you already knew that. That's not what concerns you," he repeated.

"You're worried about what S.H.I.E.L.D. will say if they find you here alone" the sorcerer continued. "They'll ask about me, and you don't know what you'll tell them. You're afraid they'll think I controlled you or coerced you, or worse, that you cannot be trusted because you've sided with the enemy. You will lose your position, your standing, maybe your own freedom. Your indecision comes from… self-protection." Loki pronounced, referencing their conversation in the lake.

Loki rose to his feet with some effort, glancing back over his shoulder at the silent agent.

"I have recovered enough to continue, but let me be clear: I will not be taken by S.H.I.E.L.D." With that, he walked off into the tunnel, not glancing behind to see if Coulson was following.

Phil, for his part, felt as if a lead weight had been dropped into his stomach.

Loki had read him perfectly – read what he hadn't even wanted to admit to himself. Was he really thinking only of what was best for him? Was Loki right that S.H.I.E.L.D. was a potential threat to his baby? Could Coulson even convince himself, 100%, that S.H.I.E.L.D. would not harm a child if it was within their interests?

100%? No. But he refused to believe that that meant the opposite was a certainty.

Could he risk it? Could he risk  _them_?

That's what would be on the line if he was wrong – Loki's life and that of his daughter; an innocent life and the life of someone who had been through enough shit for ten lifetimes.

" _There are no guardians of the light… only monsters."_  Loki had told him.

" _I'd rather think there is good out there, and good people. I'm here to help protect people."_  he'd proclaimed, and Loki had dismissed them as 'pretty words'.

What do you stand for when the chips are down? What do you protect?

Coulson jogged to catch up with Loki.

"You're right" he called out as he came alongside the other man.

"Is that so?" Loki did not glance his way but kept his eyes locked ahead, still using the wall as support.

"I can't guarantee your safety or hers with S.H.I.E.L.D. I do believe that they wouldn't harm either of you, and I do think you'd be safer with them, but I can't guarantee it with absolute certainty. And you need to do what's best for your kid. I think S.H.I.E.L.D. can offer the protection you need from Asgard, Alvar, and even Thanos – more so than you'll get on your own – but I can't guarantee it one hundred percent. So I'm… I'm not going to stand in your way if you decide to leave and disappear when we get out of here."

Loki stopped abruptly, his eyes narrowing as he caught Coulson's gaze.

"Why?"

Phil huffed in annoyance and ran a hand through his hair, annoyed at Loki's mistrust.

"Because. You're right. I was thinking of myself; I was imagining what I'd tell S.H.I.E.L.D. if they find me and you're gone. And I don't know what I'm going to tell them – the truth, probably, though that won't help them find you. And I'll probably be prodded and scanned and, eventually, fired, or deemed "compromised". But if I do what's best for me, then I'm not being true to what I stand for. I protect people. And putting myself over you and her," he pointed toward Loki's hidden bump, "isn't protecting people; it's protecting myself, and I won't live like that."

The look Loki gave him was unreadable. It was almost as if he was trying to work out a puzzle – a Coulson-shaped puzzle.

"You… are a most unique man, Agent Coulson."

Phil was strangely flattered by that – he'd managed to surprise a thousand-year old alien. Maybe he'd nudged Loki's twisted worldview a little towards the side of optimism.

"Let us continue." Loki said quietly, and the two were off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen now that Coulson's made this decision? Stay tuned! ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Coulson's POV

After another ten minutes of walking, Coulson realized that the air was indeed becoming fresher. The proximity of the tunnel entrance - the promise of an end to their long trek – spurred them on, though, Philip noticed, Loki's footing was growing uneven. The realization worried him. He was beginning to think beyond the cave now. Where would they come out? In the middle of nowhere? On a snowy mountain? Exposed to the elements? Their situation might not be improved by being outside.

And what about Loki? If they weren't close to civilization, how would he get away? Glancing sideways to the sorcerer, Coulson was certain that Loki would not be able to teleport away; he would barely be able to walk away. It would be easy for the agent, once they were out, to call for help. His phone could probably get reception on the bleeding moon! Underground… wherever they were, it was impossible for a signal to get through, but out in the open? His phone would ping a satellite instantly and broadcast his location – which no doubt S.H.I.E.L.D. was on the lookout for.

The question remained what to do with Loki? Would Coulson have to actually help Loki get away?

He didn't know it was about to become a moot point.

It was only another ten minutes before they heard the voices.

Well, Loki heard the voices with his more sensitive hearing.

"No." he whispered, and glanced in panic toward the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

"What?" Coulson asked, but then he heard them too. They were unidentifiable - nothing but echo-y mumbles - , but they were definitely human voices. "Crap."

"No. no. no." Loki chanted under his breath, looking around, trying to come up with a plan.

Was there anywhere Loki could hide, Coulson thought uselessly. Of course there wasn't. They were in a bare tunnel cave. Even if he hid among some of the debris left behind by the miners, S.H.I.E.L.D. would find him – they must know he was here.

_How did they find us?_  There was no time for guesswork. The voices were getting close fast.

With a start, Coulson realized that the light from his phone was probably indicating their location – or would if it hadn't already. He quickly lowered the intensity of the flashlight, and turned to look at Loki. The sorcerer had begun shuffling back down dark the tunnel.

_Flight response_ , thought Philip. What else could he do but run?  _But run where?_  There was nowhere to run.

"Loki, it's going to be ok. I'll protect you. No one is going to hurt you. You have to stop!"

"No! No! Stay away from me! Don't touch me!" he yelled when Coulson grabbed his arm.

The voices were becoming distinct, echoing through the rock walls, followed by the glare of flashlights and search lights. It didn't take long for their "rescuers" to find reach them.

Coulson starred in amazement as he caught sight of the first few people who emerged from the dark tunnel.

Running up the tunnel were Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, in full suit, Clint Barton, and Natasha Romanov.

S.H.I.E.L.D. had actually called the Avengers – which, if his memory served him, he had told his team to do.

Close behind them, Coulson could just about make out Director Fury and his own team.

_Well, shit._

Coulson glanced back at Loki; the sorcerer's eyes were wide in horror as if he were looking on a nightmare.

Hurriedly turning back to the approaching Avengers, Coulson raised his hands defensively to draw their attention from the trickster.

"It's ok! We're alright! Everyone, just calm down!" he yelled out, but his words went unheeded the moment the Avengers caught sight of Loki.

"On your guard, everyone! There's Loki! Approach with caution. Weapons at the ready" Steve Rogers warned.

"No!" shouted both Coulson and Loki.

"Agent Coulson, step away! We've got you covered."

"No, stand back. You're scaring him!" Coulson winced at his wording; he was not making this better.

Rogers and Stark were on them, with Romanov and Barton trailing behind as cover, all eyes fixed on the perceived alien threat.

"Loki, give up now. We're taking you in," said Captain America, ignoring Coulson's constant stream of words to stand down.

"Stay away from me!" Loki shouted followed by a sharp cry of pain that had Coulson turning his back on the S.H.I.E.L.D. contingency to look at Loki in horrified surprise.

"He's got a dagger of some sort," Stark shouted behind him.

Coulson's eyes were glued on the dagger in Loki's hand. He didn't need to wonder where it had come from. The fact that Loki was now doubled in pain, one hand clutching his own chest was enough to know that he had used magic to make it appear.

"Loki, don't. Don't, you'll hurt yourself," he said, inching towards the sorcerer and paying little attention to the yells of warning from Rogers and Stark.

"Stay away," Loki growled, though his voice sounded slurred to Phil's ears. "Stay away. Stay away."

Loki's strange behavior had finally registered with the approaching Avengers.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Stark.

"He's pregnant and he shouldn't be using magic," replied Coulson, not caring how absurd it must sound to them. His eyes were locked with Loki's desperate ones.

"He's what now?" Stark asked in disbelief.

"Shit! Loki's got Coulson under his control," shouted Barton to the group behind.

"No! I'm not being mind-controlled. A lot has happened in the last day. Just, stand back."

"Phil, that's… that's the guy who killed you," he heard Steve say behind him.

"Yes.. and no. I can explain everything, just lower your weapons," he motioned to them, not taking his eyes off of Loki.

"Loki, give me the knife," he intoned, hand stretched out in what he hoped was an nonthreatening manner.

Loki's breathing was so ragged he was on the verge of hyperventilating. The dagger in his hand was shaking so much Coulson was surprised he didn't lose his grip on it. Loki took one step backward and stumbled against the wall as his legs threatened to give from under him.

"Loki, it's going to be ok. I promise. It's going to be ok. Just give me the knife." He was so close now, he would only need to reach out and take it himself. He could feel the Avengers close behind him, ready to pounce.

Loki's eyes were wild with fear.

"Please.. please don't let them take me… don't let them hurt her…" he pleaded, words coming out in between breathless gasps.

"I won't. Loki, no one will hurt your baby. I promise you. No one will hurt her."

"Please…. Please…," Loki's pleas faded as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his body collapsed in on itself.

Coulson lunged forward and caught the sorcerer before he hit the ground, carefully lowering him to the floor. He made sure to kick the knife away from Loki's hand, lest the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. think he was a threat due to his behavior towards the alien.

Coulson checked Loki's pulse before releasing him, worried that it was rapid and fluttery. He didn't know much about medicine and he knew even less about alien anatomy, but he didn't think a rapid fluttery pulse was a good thing unless you were a hummingbird.

"Please tell me you brought a medical team with you." He addressed the S.H.I.E.L.D. contingency.

"Agent Coulson, what the hell is going on here?" Fury made his way to the front, elbowing Stark aside – which surprised the billionaire particularly seeing as how he was wearing a solid metal suit.

"Director, it's a very long story, and, again, no, I'm not being mind-controlled. I'll explain everything in a moment, but right now, Loki needs immediate medical attention. He really is pregnant – alien," he added at everyone's shocked and disbelieving faces, "so please, for the baby's sake, can we get some medical help here?"

Fury indicated that the first aid team they had brought could indeed approach, given that the threat from Loki was neutralized for the moment. Coulson refused to leave Loki's side as they examined him.

He heard the gasps of surprise and, unfortunately but expected, disgust that came from the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives around them, including his team, when one of the EMTs lifted Loki's baggy sweater and revealed very distinct pregnant belly.

A stethoscope was pressed against the bare bump and everyone held their collective breaths for a couple of seconds.

"Sir, there is indeed a second heartbeat. This… man is definitely pregnant."

Coulson looked at Fury and the Avengers with an 'I told you so' look on his face.

"Sir, we need to move him to a medical facility asap."

"What's wrong?" Coulson beat everyone else to the question.

"The second heartbeat… it's erratic… the fetus is in distress."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the evil cliffhanger!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor-bashing ahead, though not in an entirely spiteful way or anything!

Coulson gazed through the large hospital window into Loki's room in the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. The sorcerer hadn't yet regained consciousness since he collapsed in the cave yesterday.

' _Nutritional, emotional, and magical exhaustion'_ , the S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors had determined as best they could. They had taken a sample of Loki's blood two years ago when they first captured him – something Coulson hadn't been aware off back then – and a comparison between that sample and one today revealed what appeared to be malnutrition, and not just brought on by not eating for twenty-four hours. Loki hadn't been eating properly for months now. Add to that the emotional trauma and the magical exhaustion, and the doctors didn't think Loki would wake up for several more hours, maybe even another day.

Coulson contemplated Loki's prone figure, safely tucked under a white blanket that hid most of the leads and monitors the doctors had connected to his body in order to check his progress and try to replenish some of the nutrients he was missing. On the wall above the bed was a large display that projected both the sorcerer's vital signs and the baby's. The S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors still couldn't believe Loki was pregnant, even though they'd run a sonogram and confirmed it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Coulson heard footsteps approaching him and he saw Agent May heading his way.

"They're ready for you." She informed him, and he took a deep breath and followed her down the hallway.

He'd already been debriefed concerning the events in Iceland – what happened after they teleported from New York, Loki's story, their journey through the abandoned mine. He had told them everything Loki told him concerning his trial in Asgard, what led him to fall into Thanos' clutches, the history of Loki's children, and how he came to be on Earth.

During the debriefing he had put in an official request on behalf of Loki and the baby, for sanctuary against Asgard, Odin, and Arval. Fury told him that neither S.H.I.E.L.D. nor the World Security Council could grant Loki or his daughter asylum without proof of his story, so Coulson asked that Thor be brought in.

Something told him that Thor – whether on Loki's side or not – would not lie concerning Loki's history if asked directly. The agent was sure that if S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers heard the truth of Loki's trial as well as what Odin had done to his so-called youngest son, they would fight for the asylum request too.

Coulson reached the office where the meeting was going to take place, opened the door, and stepped in. The large room was mostly occupied by a large conference table. Around it were all of the Avengers, including Dr Banner, who had been previously unavailable to fly to Iceland on such short notice, Director Fury and Maria Hill, and several members of the WSC. There was also Thor whom, Coulson was surprised to realize, he wanted to punch for being a lousy brother. He almost laughed at the thought of feeling offended on Loki's behalf, as well as protective.

A single thought crossed his mind concerning what would he do if Thor turned out to deny everything, but he pushed it away. After everything he had gone through with Loki, he couldn't doubt the sorcerer anymore.

"Welcome everyone, and sorry for the wait. Thank you for being here for this meeting on such short notive, and my thanks to the Director for allowing it." he crossed to the front of the room and took his place beside the director.

"I've requested this meeting to make a case for granting asylum to Loki – formerly of Asgard – and his unborn daughter. I believe it is evident that both of their lives, especially that of the child, are under threat from several fronts. I also believe that we, meaning Earth, have been kept unaware of certain facts concerning Loki's actions during the Invasion of New York. Further, I believe that granting Loki sanctuary on Earth will be beneficial for us, as we will gain a powerful, extremely knowledgeable and grateful ally.

"Primarily, I'd like to ask you, Thor, several questions concerning Loki."

"Of course, Son of Coul. I will be glad to answer any questions you ask of me. I must admit I am surprised, though not unpleasantly so, to find someone who would willingly rally to my brother's aid."

"Right," Coulson raised an eyebrow at Thor's words, but refrained from commenting. "Thor, could you tell us what was the outcome of Loki's trial on Asgard after you took him back? I don't think you ever told us what happened." Thor didn't seem to capture the subtext in the agent's voice, though it was not lost on anyone else.

"Certainly! The outcome of Loki's trial is that he was found innocent of all of his crimes against Midgard, and most of his crimes against Asgard." The calm ease with which he stated Loki's innocence was in stark contrast to the explosion that followed. Coulson controlled the smile that threatened to sneak onto his face.

Everyone was either shouting their disbelief that Thor hadn't told them Loki was found innocence or shouting their disbelief that Loki could be innocent in the first place. It was pretty much the reaction Coulson expected. Thor, and Asgard, had let them go on for two years believing that Loki was guilty – that he was one of the biggest threats to their planet.

"Enough. Everyone, shut up." Fury's angry voice swiftly silenced the room. "Thor, first of all, why are we hearing about this now? It's been two years."

"It.. it did not seem relevant. I did not think my brother would ever want to return to Midgard, so it didn't seem necessary for you to know the outcome of his trial."

Coulson didn't glance sideways, but could just about imagine that vein that always throbbed on Nick's temple whenever he was  _this_  close to losing it.

"Alright," Fury responded with that tempered coolness of his, "can you explain why Asgard found Loki innocent of his crimes on Earth? He did lead an alien invasion, after all."

"Oh, the Æsir mind-healers discovered extensive proof that Loki was under a thrall. I'm sorry to convey that my brother was cruelly tortured until his mind bent to Thanos' will under the power of the mind-stone."

The room exploded in questions and accusations once again. Coulson examined his hands silently while he waited for them to calm down or for Fury to shut them up again. Then he noticed that out of all the people who were shouting back and forth, Dr Banner, on his left, remained eerily quiet.

"Bruce, are you ok?" he whispered to the man next to him.

Banner shook his head in disbelief.

"Loki was tortured and mind-controlled into leading the invasion, and I tossed him around like a rag doll. I can't help but feel guilty about that."

"You really shouldn't. For one, it wasn't you, not really. And for another, Loki told me he actually influenced his mind-controlled self into seeking the Hulk out."

Banner's eyes widened first in shock and then in understanding as he remembered his own and Barton's mind-control episodes.

"Cranial recalibration," he mumbled.

Coulson nodded and was about to speak again when Fury finally had enough told everyone to shut up again. Phil focused back on Thor.

"Thank you for telling us about Loki's innocence where Earth is concerned, Thor. Can you tell us, however, what you meant by him being cleared of 'almost all of his crimes' against Asgard?"

Thor visibly fidgeted in his seat, glancing around in apprehension.

"My friends, you must understand that Asgard has different expectations and laws."

"Of course, but what was the one thing Asgard found Loki guilty of?" he asked innocently, knowing full well what the answer was.

"He… he was found guilty of bringing shame to Asgard."

This time the room did not explode in questions and demands, mostly because no one was sure of what exactly Thor meant. Coulson thought they should be made aware.

"Thor, in what way did Loki shame Asgard?"

The blond Asgardian looked at Coulson with a look that could almost be described as pleading. Given what the agent knew about Loki now, he kind of found the gesture disgusting.

"Thor?" he repeated.

Thor took a deep breath and answered, though his response was less boisterous than before.

"Loki allowed himself to be enthralled into committing terrible deeds. Asgard… the Allfather considered that Loki should have been stronger. His actions brought shame to his realm."

Stunned silence followed Thor's answer until an outraged voice came from exactly the person Coulson thought would find the situation the most distasteful of all.

"They blamed him for not being strong enough to withstand torture?" Stark said in a voice dripping anger.

"They only punished him with exile." Clarified Thor, which made nothing better.

Before the room could fall into disarray once again, Coulson interceded.

"Thanks, Thor, for explaining the circumstances of the trial for us. Now, I have some questions concerning Odin's decree regarding Loki's children. Everyone else here is already familiar with what Loki told me about it, but I'd like you to explain it to us from your perspective."

Thor's blanched appearance was not lost on the room.

"How many children has Loki had?" Coulson asked sanguinely.

Thor visibly swallowed; he knew his friends and allies would not be pleased with his answers. He had been on Earth long enough to realize that their concepts of human rights would not align with Asgard's.

Sighing, he answered the question.

"My brother has had six children."

"And what happened to them?"

Thor closed his eyes in shame as he thought about the story he must recount. He had never given it much thought, back then, but being on Earth had started making him reevaluate many of the events that happened concerning Loki seven hundred years ago. He knew that if his brother was to have any safety – any chance at happiness – he needed to answer truthfully, however reluctant he was to recount these events.

"Loki's second son, Fenrir, led a revolt against Asgard seven hundred years ago. As a result, my father commanded that Loki and his children be punished, and that Loki never be allowed again to have children."

"What happened to each of them?"

"Please, Son of Coul-"

"What happened to the rest, Thor? What was their punishment?" Coulson insisted, barely containing the rage he felt on behalf of Loki. The memory of Loki, broken and crying about his lost children – blaming himself for their deaths, exiles, or enslavement – was forever seared in his mind.

"His oldest son had a spell placed on him that would… bind his mind to the Allfather's control. His third child was exiled to Midgard. His daughter was exiled to the land of the dead. His youngest… his two youngest boys were executed and used to bind Loki prisoner for ten years."

The silence that followed was deafening. Coulson himself was at a loss for words. Loki had not told him  _that_. He had mentioned that his youngest children were executed, but not…  _oh god!_

Regaining some semblance of composure, Coulson asked for clarification.

"Thor… what do you mean they were 'used to bind Loki prisoner'?" he asked, unable to completely keep the horrified tone out of his voice.

Thor looked at Coulson and realized the human did not have prior knowledge of these specific details. He was not surprised that Loki had left out the darkest aspects of what happened; what parent would want to share that. He felt like he was betraying Loki's trust all over again.

"The… the boys'… entrails were used to create magical ropes that could bind Loki."

Phil's stomach turned at Thor's words, and he felt a twinge of guilt upon seeing his colleagues' stunned faces. His dear friend Clint was staring off at the wall in shock, and a couple of seats over, on Banner's right, he could hear Stark's whispered litany of "Shit. Shit. Shit."

He knew this wasn't over, though.

"Thor, why was Loki imprisoned?"

"Phil, do you have to?" Steve's gentle voice interrupted.

"This is precisely the point that demonstrates why Loki needs protection. Thor, please answer the question."

"The Allfather said Loki went mad, and needed to be contained." Even though Loki had not explicitly told him - all he had said was that the baby he carried was also taken from him - , between his words in the cave and Thor's testimony now, Coulson had pieced it together.

"What made Loki go mad?"

"The Allfather decreed that my brother would not be allowed to bear any more children, and he… he had the Æsir healers untimely end the life of the babe my brother carried." Tears rolled down Thor's face as he uttered these words, remembering Loki's crazed screaming and cries for help. Even then he had understood the pain his brother was experiencing; Loki had on many occasions described the magical bond he experienced during pregnancy.

Colson's steady voice brought him back to the present.

"Loki didn't just go mad from grief at losing his child though, did he?"

Thor shook his head mutely as his tears continued falling, both in overdue grief for his brother and in shame over his inaction.

"My brother's magical essence physically links with that of his unborn babes. He has described it as a pure, soul bond. It's severing caused my brother unspeakable pain. It fractured his magic and his mind."

"And Odin punished him for his pain by binding him with ropes made from his own children."

Coulson let that sink in for a minute.

"All of this is why Loki needs Earth's protection. If he is captured by Asgard, Odin's decree stands and his child will be killed before it's even had a chance to be born. Loki, who has committed no crimes again Earth, and who has experienced more torture than any living being should ever have to endure, will be forced to undergo hell yet again if he falls into their clutches.

"Unfortunately for him, there is nowhere else he can go that Asgard cannot follow. No other realm will grant him protection. We are his last hope. I ask all of you to approve of the asylum request. Thank you for your attention."

With that, Coulson marched out of the room, leaving them to make their decision.

His feet brought him back through the winding corridors to Loki's room; this time he went in. The double-beeps of the two heart monitors immediately reached his ears. Sighing tiredly, Coulson sat down on a chair next to Loki's bed.

He stared at Loki, contemplating the gentle rise of his chest aided, partially, by the nasal cannula administering oxygen – a precaution taken by the doctors after Loki's hyperventilation had resulted in slight irregular breathing.

It made him think about Loki's precarious condition as they brought him back to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. His heart had become arrhythmic – a result of the magic he used – and they had been worried that if he suffered an arrest, they would not be able to revive him without hurting the fetus. They were equally hesitant to administer any drugs, not knowing how it would affect his alien physiognomy.

What concerned them most, however, was the baby's tachycardic heartbeat; they were worried it could be due to oxygen deprivation and that they'd have to perform an emergency caesarean to save her life. Coulson had hastily explained what Loki told him about their magical connection, saying that severing it would probably kill them both.

Stark and Banner had fine-tuned the sensor hat enabled S.H.I.E.L.D. track them to Iceland in the first place, which targeted the traces of gamma radiation expelled through magic, and used it to detect the magical currents within the sorcerer. It had shown inconsistency in the flow of whatever Loki's magic was made of – the two scientists weren't even sure it was actual gamma radiation by that point – as if a threat of energy had been pulled in two directions.

" _The more he used magic, the more strain it put on both him and the baby." He'd noted._

" _But see here?" motioned Tony, "the energy concentrates most here." The area he'd motioned to on the sensor matched Loki's abdomen._

" _Loki said his magic is compromised because it's mostly sustaining the baby right now." Phil had explained._

" _So, this energy here is happily keeping the baby alive and mom goes straining himself by being an idiot?"_

" _As always, Tony, you have such a way with words." Banner chided him._

" _I'm right, though. Loki uses up his energy reserve, and this thread here," he'd pointed to the monitor on the sensor, "pulls back causing his body to go haywire. The fluctuating energy feedbacks to the baby, whose heart becomes erratic because her mom is a moron."_

_Coulson had glared at Stark but known he was right. He'd also know Loki had been so frightened that logic hadn't been high on his priority list._

" _But… if these reading are any indication, the bulk of his energy is still concentrated on her. It should keep her alive as long as he doesn't do more magic, right?" Banner had said, trying to be optimistic._

" _We might not be able to do anything but wait for this… magic.. to stabilize, then," one of the doctors had concluded._

Coulson's thoughts were interrupted by someone opening the door and coming into the room. He wasn't surprised to see it was Fury.

"How's he doing?" the Director asked.

"Still unconscious, but stable. Both his and the baby's heartbeats stabilized, but he's going to have to take it easy and retrain from using any magic at all. The doctors don't think her heart would be able to handle the stress again, even with his magic sustaining her. In any case, they don't expect him to wake him for another twelve to twenty hours. Complete exhaustion, is the diagnosis. Apparently, he hadn't been taking care of himself even before teleporting to some cave in Iceland."

"I would have thought he'd have more sense, considering how much he cares about that kid."

"I'd hazard a guess that he was afraid he'd be recognized if he strayed outside too much, and he'd be putting her in danger. I've come to expect irrationality and pessimism."

"From the one day you spent with him?"

"Life's funny like that."

The room was silent except for the beeping of the heart monitors.

"So… what did they decide?" Coulson finally asked.

"Oh, asylum all around, obviously."

"Even the WSC?"

"No politician wants to be thought of as the 'pro-baby-killing odd-one-out', do they?"

Coulson scoffed and shook his head, though he was grateful for their desicion.

"What are you planning to do with him?" Fury asked him, causing him to look up in amusement. The economy of words in their conversations had always been one of the things Coulson most admired about the director.

"I'm going to offer him a job, obviously."

"Thought as much," came the smug reply. "Given what you told me, I know I don't need to warn you to keep an eye on him. He's gonna feel compelled to accept your offer; you literally saved his kid's life."

"You're warning me not to… take advantage of an asset?"

"This one's starved for acceptance and positive attention; an asset like that can become a loose cannon."

"Don't exploit him; got it."

"I once knew a dog like that – a rescue that had been beaten as pup. It would follow you straight into traffic if it thought it would please you," Fury remarked, unknowingly echoing Loki's own assessment of himself.

Coulson nodded in agreement. Loki's emotional health would have to be monitored.

"I'm not going to let him work – if he does accept the job, I mean - until after the baby's born."

"Ha, good luck with that." Well, Fury was in a teasing mood today, Coulson noted, which was fair, he supposed, given the strenuous events of the last couple of days.

"Do you think he can… you know, get better?" Phil blurted out.

Fury chuckled. "Me? Hell, I don't know him. But I can't imagine getting over a thousand years of people shitting on you is easy. Enjoy your project."

Fury kept on chuckling as he left the room, and Coulson shook his head at his boss. He was right, of course; Loki would require a delicate hand. He wasn't sure he was the right man for the job, but he'd have to try.

Coulson stayed by Loki's bedside despite having been dismissed for the rest of the day. He couldn't find it within himself to leave; the thought of Loki waking up in a foreign environment and totally losing it compelled him to stay.

He had been in Loki's room for an hour checking, through his phone, on his team's progress on a project they were working on, when the door opened again.

Thor Odinson walked in.

"Thor, did you want something?" Coulson cringed mentally at the curt tone he used. He had once had great respect for the blond Asgardian, but after all that had transpired with Loki, he couldn't bring himself to have the same level of admiration for the warrior.

Thor seemed to note the tone in Coulson's voice, wincing visibly.

"Son of Coul, I wished to thank you personally for the efforts you have gone through to gain sanctuary for my brother. How does he fare?"

"You don't have to thank me; I didn't do it for you." Coulson cringed again at his poor choice of words. "Thor… I'm sorry… I'm just tired." he backtracked, ignoring Thor's question.

"I understand," the blond said quietly. "You have shown more understanding and compassion for my brother's plight after one day in his company than I have after a thousand years."

Coulson bit back on the words that almost slipped out.

"He's not your brother," he said, nonetheless, softly.

"We might not be related by blood, Son of Coul, but I'll never stop considering Loki as my kin."

Coulson shook his head and laughed under his breath.

"Do you even know what that means?"

"I am unsure of what you ask."

"What does it mean to you, to be his brother? What's brotherhood to you?"

Thor seemed to be at a loss for words.

"I'll tell you what it should mean. It means you should have protected him; it means that you should have questioned whether or not your father's decision to kill, exile, and enslave  _your nephews and niece_  was acceptable; it means you should have comforted Loki when he went through the excruciating pain of having his child torn from him; it means you should have known your brother enough to recognize that his behavior wasn't his own when you found him here on Earth; and it means you should have told him that you weren't ashamed of him for succumbing to a mind-control magical device especially after he had been tortured for who knows how long!"

Coulson kept his voice low for Loki's sake, but his words might as well have been shouted at Thor.

"You don't know what it is to be a brother. You are not his brother. Stop claiming that lie."

Thor was silent, unable to deny Coulson's accusations. The agent wasn't through, though.

"You asked me how he's doing. I'll tell you he's alive, but barely. He's alive through sheer dumb luck. He almost killed himself, again," he added, referencing Loki's attempted suicide off the Bifrost; another moment when Thor had failed his brother. "He was so afraid – so scared of losing that child – that he almost killed himself. Have you ever been that afraid? So afraid that all reason escapes you?"

Thor couldn't bear to look at him, nor Loki. He stared at the far wall, and quietly responded, "No, Son of Coul, I have not."

"I don't know what else to tell you, Thor. I'm grateful that you told the truth during your testimony today, but I want you to leave. I don't want you here when Loki wakes up."

"I understand. I have much to make up for. I love my brother, Son of Coul, but that has clearly not been enough. I have behaved most poorly… perhaps someday he will let me atone for it."

Philip bit back his retort of where he thought Thor should stick his atonement. Instead, he focused on Loki's pale, still face.

"Fare you well, agent. I am heartened that my b-... that Loki has someone like you caring for him and for my nie-, I mean, for his daughter. Goodbye.

Coulson heard the door open and close as the Asgardian left the room, knowing that he wasn't putting on the most diplomatic show by ignoring him.

He couldn't find it in him to care.

Silently, he took his place by Loki's bedside again, and sometime during his vigil, he fell asleep, only to be woken up an hour later by someone calling his name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See! Baby's ok! Sorry again for the evil cliffhanger from before. Sorry, also, for the Thor-bashing, though I think he deserves it for being a lousy brother.
> 
> I was going to publish this chapter yesterday, but I had an accident involving someone accidentally closing a van door on my wrist. It's not broken, just very very sprained, but it meant a trip to the ER (A&E), and now I can only type one-handed for a couple of weeks or so. I'll, nonetheless, aim to publish the last two chapters this week!
> 
> Till the next chapter, please R&R! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching the end; only one chapter left for this story. Thanks to everyone who's read, reviewed, favorited, and followed!

Loki's POV

The first thing Loki noticed as he regained consciousness was the strange beeping noise somewhere around him. He wanted it to cease, but it continued, insistently and steadily, until it brought him back to full consciousness.

As he awoke, it dawned on him that they weren't random noises, but two pairs of rhythmic beeps.

_Oh_ , he recognized,  _it's my heartbeat and_ , his hand moved slowly to the swell of his belly where his baby still resided, safely and calmly, if the second heart monitor was anything to go by. The baby was alright! He sighed with relief before another thought occurred to him.  _By the Norns, the cave!_ the memories suddenly rushed to the forefront of his mind, flooding his body with apprehension and panic as he realized that he must be at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. He'd let himself be captured! What would befall them now? How would he escape from this place? He heard the increase in his own heartbeat reflected by the machinery above him. He  _had_  to escape now, he screamed at himself, surveying the room desperately.

His sharp eyes immediately landed on agent Coulson slumped in a chair a few feet away, snoring gently. For some reason he couldn't quite explain, the man's presence calmed him. Surely, if the agent was here, he wasn't in immediate danger?  _Right_?

Glancing down his body, as the fog of sleep, panic, and confusion lifted from his mind, he realized that there were cables and tubes all over him. There was a thin cable that forked into two separate pads adhering to his chest, presumably to detect his heartbeat. There was another tube that was inserted into a vein in his hand, pumping some clear liquid into him. He almost pulled it out in fear, but he glanced over at Coulson and considered that, surely, the man wouldn't let him be drugged with something dangerous.  _Would he?_

He realized there was another cable that disappeared under his covers. Shoving the blankets aside and lifting the gown he had been dressed in, he saw that it was a similar cable to that which monitored his heart, with pads pressed against two spots on his stretched skin.

Loki lowered his hospital gown and replaced the blanket, reclining back unto his pillows, and then noticed another tube, gently blowing air, pressed against his face –  _How did I not notice that!?_. His hand moved jerkily as he tore the offending thing away from his face; he was feeling tired again already.

He distantly wondered if he was just drowsy from prolonged sleep or if he was actually drugged. Willing himself to calm down, Loki contemplated his situation. He was alive and, as far as he could see, safe for the moment. Most importantly, so was his daughter. Nonetheless, he knew nothing about his current situation. Perhaps Coulson had managed to convince S.H.I.E.L.D. to give him medical attention, but what would happen now? Was he a prisoner? Had Asgard been contacted? What was to become of him? He needed answers now.

Sitting up again, Loki called out to his sleeping companion.

"Agent Coulson?"

Silence.

"Agent Coulson, please wake up."

The human's breathing changed, but he did not wake up.

"Agent!"

Coulson's eyes snapped open and he jerked inelegantly in his chair.

"Whaaa," Coulson sat up and looked up at the source of his rude awakening.

"Sheesh, Loki," he said, standing up and massaging his stiff neck.

"My apologies, you would not wake up."

"Mm, I wonder why."

"Have you not had an opportunity to rest?'

"What? Oh, yeah, last night. Not nearly enough, though," the agent rubbed his hands over his tired face.

Loki's eyebrows raised at Coulson's statement.

"How long have I been asleep?"

Coulson glanced at his watch and then perched on Loki's bed. "About a day."

Loki frowned and glanced around the room again, surprised that he'd been allowed to rest for an entire day. There weren't even any guards in the room. He looked back at Coulson, surprised that the human had moved and was now half-sitting, half-leaning on his bed.

"You're not a prisoner, Loki. In fact, right now, you're a patient." Coulson said, as if reading his mind. At Loki's look of confusion, he continued. "That last bit of magic you did, it didn't do you any good. You collapsed and wouldn't wake up. Your heart was beating erratically, your breathing was all over the place, and the baby went into distress. You're lucky your magic protected you both. The way her heart was beating, the doctors were worried it would stop."

Loki let out a shaky breath and pressed both hands to his abdomen, wanting to reassure himself that his child was definitely safe. He had almost done the thing he feared the most.

"I almost killed her," he whispered.

"You were scared. You just wanted to protect her."

"But my very actions almost ended her life." Loki couldn't hate himself more than he did at that moment.

The agent did not offer any false words of denial and a heavy silence fell between them.

It was broken by the human, who didn't seem to do well with awkward silences.

"She's ok, nonetheless. You're both ok."

"Thank you." Loki pondered Coulson's words, however. He wondered for how long this safety would last.

"What's to become of us?" Loki asked, subconsciously rubbing his stomach.

"Well," Loki glanced over at Coulson and frowned when he saw a smile on the human's face. "you've both been granted asylum here on Earth."

After two seconds, Loki realized his mouth was literally hanging open, and he immediately closed it with a snap of his teeth. Coulson chuckled at his expression.

"I put in the request, and your case was reviewed. Proof was given of your story, and S.H.I.E.L.D., the Avengers, and the World Security Council all voted unanimously to give you protection from Asgard and any other interstellar parties who might want to harm you.

Loki's frown deepened. "Proof?..." his face changed as he understood what that meant, "Thor is here."

"Yes. I requested his presence."

Loki scoffed.

"And he came?"

"Yes. And he confirmed everything you told me."

"Is that right." Loki remarked sarcastically. He heard Coulson sigh.

"Look, I know you two don't get along. I know he is a failure of a brother."

"He's NOT my brother."

"Yeah, but not because you're not related by blood. I told you, Loki; blood doesn't matter. Actions matter. Thor failed you for a long time, but at least he did the right thing this time."

Loki scoffed again and looked away. He did not care whatever Thor did. So he verified his story and didn't call him a liar, for once in his life. He did not care.  _I. Do. Not. Care._  he stubbornly declared to himself.

"I do not wish to see him," he said, staring firmly at the white blankets on him and not at the agent, lest the other man read his emotions once again.

"I guessed as much, and I told him so when he came to visit you."

Loki's head snapped back to stare at Coulson.

"Thor was  _here_?"

"He came briefly after the meeting where your case was presented. He wanted to know how you were."

"Oh, he did, did he? Did you regale him with tales of my pitiful state, or did you perhaps tell him to come back later and see for himself how I have fallen further - lower - that he may convey my shame to Asgard?" Loki couldn't help the words that spat out bitterly from his lips. The gall of Thor to come here and inquire after him!

"Actually," the agent interrupted his thoughts, "I had to restrain myself from calling him a lowlife asshole and chucking him out the door."

"I.. er.. what?" Loki replied inarticulately.

"You really think I was going to, what, sit down with him and laugh at you?"

"It's… what most do." Loki said softly, remembering the countless times the Warriors Three and Lady Sif had spent hours retelling some unfortunate thing that had befallen Loki, and Thor had laughed along with them. But, oh, if Loki tricked one of them and laughed at them in turn, why he was the "Evil Trickster who could not be trusted". Coulson had been kind to him in the cave out of "common decency", as he called it, but Loki did not expect it to continue after they were out. Coulson was a Midgardian warrior – a hero. Shouldn't he laugh at Loki's misfortune with the other heroes?

"Which is why I'm sure I wouldn't get along with your former Asgardian comrades... or Thor, now," Coulson replied.

At Loki's baffled expression, the human stood up from where he sat on Loki's bed throwing his hands in the air in exasperation, "Loki… he tried to justify Asgard's claim that you "shamed" them by succumbing to torture - not to mention all the other things he's excused throughout your lives. He's a complete and utter asshole."

A small laugh escaped Loki lips upon beholding Coulson's animated expression.

"Philip Coulson… though I may live ten thousand lifetimes, I do not think I will cease being surprised by you," the words were said quietly, but he saw their effect on the agent's reddening cheeks.

What a baffling man he was, Loki thought.

"I mean," Coulson said, sitting back down by Loki's hip, "I think Thor thinks that he cares for you… he sure emphasizes it enough," he added, rolling his eyes, which almost made Loki laugh again, "but he's been arrogantly blind for way too long. He's treated you terribly, and until he understands that, I…. think he should fuck off," Coulson finished in a rush of words.

Another bubble of laughter slipped past Loki's defenses.

"I don't think anyone, other than myself, has ever told Thor to 'fuck off'."

"I will admit, I didn't actually tell him that, but, you know, I made it clear with some very stern language."

Loki laughed again, surprising himself that he was genuinely amused. It all seemed so very absurd in relation to all that had happened.

"How unfortunate; nonetheless, I would have willingly paid a king's ransom to see the look on Asgard's golden prince when told he was unwelcome by a mere human." Loki leaned back against the pillows, feeling more tired than before, even though he had slept for an entire day.

Sobering up, however, he enquired, "What does this asylum entail?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's a short chapter! Sorry! But the next one will see more Loki/Coulson interaction, and one final bit of H/C to tie everyone over.


	12. Chapter 12

Coulson's POV

Phil couldn't believe that Loki had actually been laughing. Here was a person who, merely twenty-four hours ago, was an emotional wreck - who, even five minutes ago, was confrontational, angry, and afraid.

Loki seemed as surprised by his own laughter as Coulson was, and it made him happy to know he brought on that laughter. It certainly suited Loki – the way his face lit with unexpected mirth and mischief and the corners of his eyes crinkled. And all that was needed to bring that, well,  _lightening_ , was someone coming to his defense - someone being on his side for once.  _That, and some rude language directed as his not-brother_ , Philip smirked internally.

But the fun was past now, and Loki was asking about his status again. "What did his asylum entail?", he'd wondered, and Coulson was more than happy to explain, eager to let the sorcerer understand that he was not in danger anymore.

"Well, it means you have protected status. No one from Asgard or anywhere else can make any extradition claims concerning you or your daughter. And any attempts on your person, or hers, will be considered as an attack on the sovereignty of this world."

"That's… impressive." Loki seemed at a loss for words. "What is required of me? What is expected in exchange for this boon?"

Coulson controlled the sigh of frustration that threatened to escape.

"Loki... nothing is required of you. This isn't a gift or an exchange; you've been granted asylum because you deserve it... because it's your right, and because it  _is_  right."

Loki huffed, his face losing all evidence of the previous mirth it had reflected.

"But... S.H.I.E.L.D. naturally wants me to do something... to make it worth their while, do they not? What are they interested in? My allegiance and fealty? Knowledge? I am in their debt and I would know what they demand in return!" he shouted desperately, confusion blatant on his face as he searched for deception in Coulson's calm one.

"Nothing. S.H.I.E.L.D. and Earth as a whole, demands nothing of you, except that you follow the laws of this country."

"I do not understand," came the whispered reply. "Why would they protect me otherwise?"

Phil felt that unpleasant twisting in his heart at realizing that, once again, Loki thought so poorly of himself that he could not conceive of any reason why someone would offer him protection and safety simply because he's a person who deserves it. The very idea was undoubtedly anathema in the sorcerer's mind; why would anyone ever be on his side without having ulterior selfish reasons?

"Because you're worth protecting. Because it's the right thing. You've done nothing wrong - and definitely not against Earth. On the contrary, if it wasn't for your attempts to regain control, we'd probably have been invaded two years ago. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think you could be a significant ally - you're powerful and resourceful, and probably smart enough to give Stark and Banner a run for their money - but that's not why we're giving you asylum against Asgard. You deserve not to be tortured, and not to have your baby taken from you, and not blamed for things you had no control over. You deserve to be happy, Loki." Coulson did not deviate his gaze from Loki's bright, watery eyes for a second, making sure every word got through to the alien. It was Loki who finally broke eye contact, staring at the blankets and drawing in a shaky breath. A dozen conflicting expressions flitted across his face.

"As for what do you do now," Phil continued, trying to catch Loki's eyes again, "which I imagine is the next big question on your mind… you do whatever you like. I personally wouldn't recommend disappearing into some remote and untraceable part of the planet, particularly because, as your asylum providers, we'd like to know where you are in case someone tries to take you away, but you are well within your right to do so."

"And S.H.I.E.L.D. would not stop me, if I did?"

"No. S.H.I.E.L.D. has no reason to. As I said, you have been exonerated from the events in New York two years ago. You are officially, 'not a threat'. I mean, you're a 'potential' threat as an alien individual, but then I'm a potential threat as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent; the Avengers themselves are listed as potential threats too. It doesn't mean S.H.I.E.L.D.'s about to keep them captive."

"I see."

Loki's face did not seem to back up his words, so Coulson decided on a different tactic. "What would you like to do? If you could do anything, I mean."

Caught off guard, Loki shrugged, uncertain. "I… I do not know. I will care after her, I should think, as I intended to do before."

"I should probably tell you," Coulson lifted an embarrassed hand to the back of his neck, "that your apartment, in Manhattan? It got kind of destroyed by the berserker."

"I was aware. I only barely got out of it when that thing burst in through the floor. It is of no consequence; I will find another dwelling place."

"Hopefully not of the same type, though, because that place was a dump."

Loki narrowed his eyes at Coulson in annoyance, which, in a way, pleased the agent. For some reason, he liked these instances when Loki's snarky personality would peak through his current storm of emotional turmoil.

"I was attempting to maintain a low profile," the sorcerer bit back defensively.

"Sure, and what were you going to do when she was born?"

Loki ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Look, I didn't mean to harp on you, but you shouldn't go back to that kind of life. You can go anywhere now, do anything. And one of those things should be not starving or living in a roach-infested room."

"I.. I suppose I should acquire employment."

Coulson nodded his head in agreement, knowing full well that he was leading Loki into accepting the offer he was planning to make. Coulson would be the first to admit that he wasn't above a bit of manipulation every now and then. It wasn't out of malice or self-interest, though. He really thought that working with S.H.I.E.L.D. would be Loki's wisest option, at least until he learned enough about Earth to change his mind for something better.

"What kinds of jobs would you go for?"

Loki's face remained impassive as he thought of how to answer, but the slight increase in speed in the beeps that monitored his heart told Coulson that Loki was becoming anxious with this line of questioning again. Unsurprising, really, he thought; no one liked to think about their jobs prospects.

"I must admit that… I am unfamiliar with the types of employment that are most sought out in your world. I… I am a magician… and even a warrior, in many respects. I have fought in campaigns and wars since I was still practically a child. On the other hand.. if in order to ensure a safe home for my child, I must engage in menial labor, then I will. It is of no consequence."

Coulson believed him too, but the idea of Loki – thousand-and-some-change year old alien, former Prince of Asgard, who had suffered injustices and infamies from the time that Earth was in its Middle Ages – working some low-wage backbreaking job struck Phil as incredibly wrong. He knew the sorcerer would willingly do it if it meant providing his daughter, but it seemed like a waste of a millennium of knowledge, skill, and experience.

"What if you worked for S.H.I.E.L.D., on my team?" Coulson blurt out, looking down at his hands.

There was no response from Loki, and after several seconds Coulson looked up to see Loki staring down at him, eyes indicating mistrust.

"Ok, yes, I admit, that's what I want you to do. I've been asking you these questions so I can offer you a job, alright?"

Loki's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Phil knew he was treading dangerous waters, especially after just having gotten through telling Loki that "no, of course S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't expect anything from you!"

"You don't have to accept it, it's just an option. I meant what I said: S.H.I.E.L.D. expects nothing from you; I expect nothing from you. Nonetheless, I know potential where I see it, and I don't want to miss it without asking. If you worked for me, you'd be an amazing asset – between your magic expertise and your fighting expertise, you have more firsthand defensive, offensive, strategy, and even diplomatic experience than everyone on my team combined. My job is to defend this planet – or at least this small corner of it, and I'd like you to help me do that.

"And, this is the planet where your baby is going to be born; as part of my team, you can have a hand in keeping it safe for her. And if you  _are_  worried about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s hidden agenda, what better place to be than on the inside? Also.. you'll get a huge paycheck and benefits! Did I mention, we do family plans," he added, jokingly, hoping to lighten the mood. There it was – his job pitch.

"And if I say 'no'?" Loki asked, clearly testing him.

Coulson looked into Loki's angry eyes, full of so much pain and betrayal and fear of being hurt if he dared to trust anyone.

"Then, whenever you decide you're feeling strong enough, you walk out of here and do whatever it is that you want," he replied honestly.

Loki broke his gaze and stared at the far wall instead.

"I owe you my child's life,' he whispered, his voice full of emotion.

"No, you really don't. You don't owe me anything, Loki."

"Is this more of your 'common decency', Philip Coulson?" Loki's voice had taken on that familiar tearful tinge Coulson had unfortunately learned to recognize.

"Not really. This  _is_  self-interest. I wouldn't offer you this job if I didn't think you'd be great in it – I have a stake in it, after all. But if it's not for you, then it's not for you. I don't want you to accept it because you feel you owe me or because you're afraid. If you take it, let it be because you want it."

"Because I want it…  _I_  want…" Loki chuckled thickly, and Phil averted his eyes as he saw cracks appear in Loki's stony face once more.

"You don't have to decide now," the agent backtracked, somewhat guiltily. "Or tomorrow, or the next day, for that matter. You decide what you want whenever you want."

Glancing back at Loki, Coulson was troubled to see that the sorcerer was silently crying again. Heavy tears rolled down Loki's cheeks and his hands clenched on the blankets.

"Hey, it's ok. It'll be ok," he extended a hand to grasp Loki's shoulder, attempting to offer comfort.

"No one's told me to do what I wanted to before," Loki whispered, shaking his head while his tears fell endlessly, "Do you know what it means to be told I have a choice? I've always been told that what I want is wrong - perverse, monstrous, evil…  _shameful_. I've never been told to do something because  _I_  want it."

"Well, it's different here, and whatever you decide it won't be wrong-"

"I want to work for you! I accept your offer!" Loki's shouted acceptance took him completely by surprise.

"You… you do?" Coulson was deeply confused when Loki continued crying, covering his face with his hands in apparent shame.

"Yes,… yes.." came Loki's sobbed reply, muffled by his hands. Coulson felt his heart twist again; this was precisely what Fury had warned him about. Loki was accepting his offer out of a sense of duty when he clearly didn't want to. The idea that the sorcerer was actually forcing himself to say yes…  _Shit! I screwed up!_

"Oh, god, Loki, you don't have to." Coulson's hand tightened his grip on Loki's arm. "You don't have to if you don't want to. It's ok. I'm sorry. I was selfish and dickish and-" , and he suddenly found himself with an armful of Norse god pressed against his chest. Loki had launched himself against him, gripping him as if he was a lifeline.

When Coulson's arms circled around him instinctively, Loki's sobs actually increased.

"Shhhh, Loki, don't cry. I… I didn't mean to upset you." He help the other man tightly, feeling like garbage. This is what he gets for trying to manipulate the whole situation "I'm sorry. Loki I'm sorry."

Loki began shaking his head insistently against his chest.

"Stop, stop," Loki cried, and Coulson was about to apologize again when Loki sobs hiccuped into what almost sounded like laughter in between the tears. "You must cease your apologies... you have misunderstood, you... you baffling creature!" Loki exclaimed, and Phil realized, as Loki raised his head and looked at him straight in the eye, that he wasn't crying because he was upset.

Philip stared at him dumbfounded for several seconds.

"You.. you aren't sad, are you?" he ventured, gazing at Loki's tear strained but smiling face. Loki shook his head and half-laughed half-cried again through his tears.

"I am not. I am truly and most emphatically not sad. In fact, I do believe that... against my better judgment and against all reason and all probability... I am happy."

Loki laughed again, his tears still falling as he wondered what he had done to deserve the fortune of crossing paths with this infuriatingly perplexing kindhearted human.

For the second time in as many minutes, Philip Coulson found himself with a Loki crying in his arms - crying for completely different reasons, the right reasons - and the agent didn't push him away; he was, to his surprise, happy too.

Fin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, as they say, is that! I kept re-writing the ending, unsure of where to leave it. What do you guys think? I know we'd all love it if it went on for longer and we got to see the baby being born and everything, but for now, this seems like a good spot to end the story.
> 
> Even though I have many bits and pieces of what happens next between these two in my head, I don't have plans to write it any time soon, unfortunately. Hopefully, though, this story will inspire other writers to explore this relationship more! Many thanks to all who have read, reviewed, favorited and followed! xoxo


End file.
